Fat equals Unpopular?

Life May 9, 2013 Comments: 10

Not a big secret … I’m fat. I’ve been called names, I’ve been ridiculed and I’ve been flat-out ignored. I’ve been the brunt of many a joke and have heard more snickers than I can even count. I’ve written many blog posts about it and even wrote a letter after an extra annoying day.

Funny thing is, I’ve never thought of myself as unpopular. Or ugly. And I MOST certainly didn’t believe that a certain brand of clothing made me look more beautiful or would help me fit in with all the cool kids. But apparently, Abercrombie & Fitch thinks their clothes are TOO GOOD for me and my big butt. Hhhmmm….interesting and pathetic.

Read The Story here.

When I read that story, I actually laughed out loud as it was one of the saddest displays of ignorance and stupidity that I’ve ever seen. Frankly, those statements were written by a bully with a serious self-esteem issue that needs his ego stroked by all the so-called “beautiful people”. It really, truly is sad.

So, Mr. A&F, don’t worry, I won’t be shopping in your store as I recognize that your clothes don’t fit me. And in all honesty, I really don’t care. Make whatever clothes you want to make in whatever sizes you want. That’s your prerogative. Even though you’re missing out on a large, no pun intended, group of consumers. You know, the ones that aren’t 16-22 and actually have good jobs and disposable income. The ones that are driving your target audience to the mall and providing them with the funds to buy their wardrobes. The same ones that now know that you hate them, but whatever. That’s your choice.

What I do have a problem with is your implication that only the “thin and beautiful” are worthy of wearing what you sell. That fat means you’re unpopular and that “we” will never fit in with the cool kids. That YOUR picture of beauty is the same as everyone else in the world.  That YOU are better than ME based solely on the size tag of my clothing.

You are wrong, and you should be ashamed. Unfortunately, I don’t think you really even care that you’re being a jerk and that you’ll continue to stand by your words and your vision for your company. Yeah you.

But thankfully, now that I know you don’t want the money of me or “my people”, you won’t get it. Not from me and not from my children. And to celebrate my decision to not give you my money, I’m going to spend some time in your stores. Me and my fatness are going to come in and hang out for awhile. I think I’ll try some stuff on and put on an a fashion show.  The clothes may not really “fit” but they’ll be on and I’m thrilled to know that your “core customers” will enjoy seeing me, in all my hotness wearing “your clothes”. It’s going to be awesome.

You may look at me and not like what you see but just so you know, my mirror thinks I’m pretty freaking amazing. You sir are a fool.

Getting lost in a Moment

Life, Mom Stuff April 9, 2013 1 Comment

Sometimes life hits us really hard, like square in the face with a very large hammer kinda hard. And quite often it feels like we’re not going to get through this situation and that we’re going to be stuck in it forever. But, I’m here to remind you that these experiences are only moments. They are not “forever’s and always”, they’re moments in a much, much bigger picture.

When you’re stuck in a bad one, that’s okay because it will pass. Get mad, get sad, scream, hit something, have a good cry or just shut your eyes for a while. Give yourself permission to react and don’t just try to block it out. It’s okay to be mad, and not understand why some things happen. Truth be told, it’s quite often our anger that brings about real change in our world. It’s the fire that fuels us to do something differently or better. It’s the voice that says, I do not accept this so I’m going to do something about it. Life REALLY sucks sometimes, and we’ll never change that but we can change how we react to it. But please promise me that no matter what, you won’t let a single “moment in time” take you down.

When it’s 3:30 am and your baby hasn’t slept for more than 20 minutes in the last 18 hours, feel free to be ticked off and annoyed. You’re tired. The baby’s tired. Your husband’s probably sound asleep and you just want to scream. It’s okay. This moment will one day be nothing but a memory, but for now, it is what it is. Acknowledge it but don’t give it anymore power than it already has.

When your best friend calls you crying because her life is falling apart, cry with her. Let her vent and yell and complain until she runs out of words. Let her talk irrationally and share the feelings that confuse even her. Don’t try to figure it out or help her justify it, instead breathe and know that this moment is just that, a moment. Tomorrow there will be new ones, some good, some bad but there will always be more.

When you’re standing in the grocery store and your child has decided that now is a great time to throw a massive hissy fit and is laying on the floor screaming, remember that they’ll eventually stop. If you have to pick them up and haul them out to the car while they kick at everything, that’s okay. Take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this battle and it’s not like you can really reason with a 3-year-old anyways. Tomorrows a new day, and hopefully there’ll be less screaming.

When you have to put your children onto the school bus for the first time, you’re going to cry. And you’re going to have a really bad day, and probably a really bad week. But in a flash, their joy will overtake your fears. Their happiness will show you that you’ve done everything right and that they’re okay.  Savour both of those moments … the fear of letting go and the joy in realizing that your babies have become little’s, and they’re amazing.

When you witness events and situations that are too horrific to even comprehend, don’t shut your eyes. Acknowledge them, and then do something to bring about change. Be happy when that story isn’t yours and be grateful for your moments that don’t include this.

And then thankfully, sometimes life brings us flashes of unspeakable joy. Things that are so amazing that words can’t even really describe how great they are. So amazing that we’re scared to close our eyes because they may disappear and be gone forever.

When you’re enjoying a good one, breathe it in and commit it to your memory. But don’t get so caught up in the wonder of it that you get stuck there. Remember it and then get ready for some new and awesome moments that are on their way.

When you see your kids interact with a puppy or a kitten for the first time, it’s worth remembering. The first time you hear your child laugh, or when they bring home their first report card. When you see someone you love achieve something that they’ve been working towards for months, stand up and cheer and remember. When your friend comes through her struggles and ends up on the other side in a much better place, rejoice.

If you can’t change it, acknowledge it, deal with it and then let it go. If you can change it, do that. Figure out why that situation sucked so badly and do something differently to ensure you don’t have to walk that path again. No one is expecting you to be perfect in any given situation so don’t be afraid to call your crappy moments exactly what they are, crap. But remember that after the rain, there is always a rainbow and your joy is coming. It may take awhile but it’s on it’s way.

Moments will always be just that. Moments. They do not need to be the end of your story.

thistooshallpass

Who are you following?

Life, Mom Stuff April 8, 2013 1 Comment

A few weeks ago, someone on Twitter asked the question, “what qualities do you think a leader should have”? And well, I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

I think many of us don’t really think of ourselves as leaders because we’re, “Just Mom’s”. But guess what, that’s so far from the truth. In fact, we’re the first leadership example that our kids will see and frankly, we need to start taking that more seriously.

When you think of a leader in your community, what are the first things you think of? I hope that the words hard-working, diligent, intelligent and gracious come to mind. More often than not though, that’s not what we think of. We usually think things like impersonal, unapproachable, power-hungry, etc. For me personally, I think that’s a shame but quite often, it’s a reality.

We need to do better. We need to recognize the roles that we hold, and honor them. I truly believe that whatever we choose to do, we need to do it to the best of our ability. Our choices should be made with purpose and consideration. Especially when it comes to times and situations where we’re influencing others, such as our children, friends, colleagues, etc.

If you’ve been elected to public office, you need to remember that your job is to represent the people who you serve. You are not in that position to bring glory to yourself or your office. You were elected to that role, take it seriously and do your stinkin’ job.

If you’ve been blessed with children, you need to remember that you are their leader and that those little faces are following your example. C’mon, how many times have we caught ourselves saying the exact same phrases that our Mothers said to us? Our children will become “us”, never forget that. Ever.

If you have a job outside of your home, there is always someone looking to you for help or instruction. These are the moments that make strong leaders, don’t let them slip by. Even if you’re on the bottom of the so-called ” corporate ladder”, there will always be a situation that can be used to encourage, promote or stand-out.

When you’re out with friends or family members, and you see that they’re being treated unjustly or are being the aggressors themselves. Stand up and say, “that’s enough”. We can never become our best if we’re being torn down or tearing others apart. Being a good example is an excellent place for leadership to begin.

We are leaders at work, in playgroups, at church, while we’re driving down the road, or posting on Facebook. Leadership opportunities are around us ALL the time, embrace them and use them to make a change in the world around you.

Being a good leader has nothing to do with being a tyrant or bossing people around. Don’t ever fall into the trap of believing that the louder and more aggressive individual is the one that should be leading the way. That doesn’t work.

Instead, look at leadership as an opportunity to lift up the people around you. Leaders look at the strengths and qualities in the people around them, and encourage them to use them to their best of their abilities. Leaders bear the brunt of responsibility while quite often letting the glory go to someone else. Leaders sometimes say No, but they don’t belittle or demean. Leaders treat people with grace while remaining humble themselves. Being a leader is NEVER easy, but it is always worth it.

I’m in no way saying that we shouldn’t work hard to achieve great things, so please don’t think that. Push forward for promotions at work, enjoy awards that you earn, and be proud of everything good that you do. Just always honor the journey that you took to get to the top, those struggles, trials and people left behind are what helped you get there. As a leader in your field, use these opportunities to show grace and thankfulness.

Leaders challenge people to become better. To step out of their comfort zone. To shine. To grow. Leaders make a difference. They leave a mark. Their absence leaves a hole. They change the world. Leaders are normal, everyday people. Leaders are you and me.

Please don’t EVER think that you are not a Leader, just make sure that the trail you’re blazing is worth following.

leader

My lesson in Humility and hopefully, Forgiveness

Life February 27, 2013 Comments: 5

Today has been an interesting day. It’s Anti-Bullying Day and I wrote a blog about a few of my personal experiences of being bullied. It was tough to write, but it was one of the chapters that makes up my story and has helped me become the person that I am today. As it turns out, my grade 7 story is shared by someone else, and unfortunately, I was on the other side of it.

I received a reply on my blog post, and it absolutely broke my heart. I read it four times, and then replied privately to the writer, and instead of instantly hitting “approve”, I did nothing. I logged into the back of my blog and read some other comments and replied to a few of them. And some way, somehow, I ended up deleting this particular response. My first thought was, “phew, no one needs to see that” but my second thought was, how would I want my words addressed, so here we are.

Thankfully, I still have the original email, so I’m posting a screenshot of it here for you all to read.

sunny

I know that’s really hard to read, so I’m copying and pasting it here.

Very well written! Good for you for standing up against bullying. It is terrible that you were bullied. I do hope you remember that you were also on the other side of the boat in grade 7. I considered not saying anything but since you are calling out people that you know I feel I had to stand up for myself too. Do you recall writing a note with your friend about how you couldn’t believe the new girl wore the same shirt for two days in a row and then proceeded to pass it around the ENTIRE class? I do. That was my first taste of bullying, it knocked the wind of an already awkward shy girl. I put it behind me and realize now it was probably what you had to do to get some revenge for being picked on yourself. Before you call out everyone in your former Junior High school please know that some of us know exactly how you felt.

Now you know why my first instinct at the mistaken delete felt “good”. To say that I feel ashamed of what I’ve done is a gross understatement. I actually still cannot even believe that I did such a thing, and don’t remember doing it at all. But if this person says that I did this, I need to own my part in it.

So “Sunny”, whoever you are, this response is for you.

Number One. Thank-you for writing this reply, I’m sure it was really hard to do and I so appreciate your willingess to put yourself out there.
Number Two. I am so very sorry for hurting you. I honestly can’t remember doing that, but I’m not going to say that I didn’t do it either. I’d love to say that I hope you were right and that I did it to take the attention off myself, but that would be a total cop-out. If I did that, there is no excuse and it shouldn’t have happened.
Please know that if I could go back and redo that moment in time, that I would. When I read your words, I literally felt like throwing up. It makes me sick to learn that I made someone else feel the exact same things that I was feeling. That is so not okay, and I am so sorry. Please forgive me for being a part of something that so obviously affected you deeply but thank-you for giving me the opportunity to set it right.

Today has been a day of humbling for me. As an adult, I conciously make the effort to choose better because I know the pain that bullying and judgement can cause. But today, this one simple act of courage taken by someone from my past has forced me to once again look in the mirror.

Thank-you for not expecting me to be perfect and thank-you for forgiving me in my weakness when I wasn’t yet strong. Your words affected me deeply, and I promise you, they will not be taken for granted.

Grade 7 was my Nightmare

Life, Parenting, Bullying and Ideas. February 27, 2013 Comments: 8

As most of you know by now, I’m overweight, and have been my entire life. It’s changed over the years, but I’ve always been bigger than everyone around me. Always. Because of that, I’ve spent a good portion of my life being people’s punching bag and the butt of many a joke. But Grade 7 was the worst. By far.

It’s bad enough moving into a new school with older kids, and not knowing what you’re doing or where you’re going. It’s the first time we had to switch to different teachers for each class, and not have recess. Everything was different. And I was the fat kid.

I can vividly remember walking down the Grade 7 hallway, and having 3 grade 9 boys call me over. I can still see their faces, and I still know their names. In fact, 2 of them have tried befriending me on Facebook, and yeah, not happening. But I digress … they called me over which I thought was nice, or I hoped would be nice and well, it wasn’t. They looked at me and said, “do you like football” and I said No. They then told me that I should because when I got to high school, I was going to make an awesome linebacker. “The school needs a big mama on the front lines’. They laughed hysterically and left me standing there, alone. I refused to cry and give them the satisfaction of winning, but it still really hurt.

I spent the ENTIRE year being teased by these boys and their friends. Every time I walked by them, they commented about my weight. EVERY TIME. It was either names, or football references or “see you at tryout’s”.  I never responded to them, or even acknowledged their existence. But it was 3 years of heart stopping palpitations at the sight of them, and their words were etched on my brain.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t just the kids that did it, there were teachers too.

Our school had an event called The Turkey Trot. (How’s that for a stupid name)?  It was basically a really long run, and the winner won a turkey. Obviously, I’m not a runner and the promise of winning a turkey wasn’t all that exciting or inspiring for me, but it was what it was, and we were all expected to participate. Fortunately for me, I had sinus surgery 3 days prior to the event, and I had a doctor’s note to get me out of it.  Woot!! It said that I couldn’t participate as my sinuses had just been ripped apart and breathing would be an issue. But what this horrible teacher read was, “she’s fat and just doesn’t want to participate”, and he MADE me run the race. Made me.

So off I went. I ran for about a block and a half and quickly discovered that my doctor was right, I wouldn’t be able to breathe. So I walked instead. Soon enough, the other overweight classmate and I ended up walking as everyone else ran by us. We were trying, we just couldn’t keep up with everyone else. But we were trying, and we didn’t quit. Unfortunately, our teacher didn’t see it that way. He called us fat and lazy, and if I remember correctly, called my “running” partner fat in front of the whole school. Needless to say it isn’t a happy memory. It was the day my friend and I were humiliated in front of our peers by a teacher. The one person that was supposed to protect us from bullying was in fact, perpetuating it.  I ended up with a bleeding nose for 3 days, and we both had to bear yet another mark left by mean words and judgement.

Even with my friends, I wasn’t safe from bullying. I know that their intentions weren’t to be mean to me, but their words hurt me more than anyone elses. They were my “safe place”, but even they felt like it was okay to “say it like it was”. I hated phys. ed for obvious reasons, but hated the “track and field” unit the most. Especially high jump. Really?? High jump for fat people … not so much. I would do everything I could to not have to participate in this unit, anything. I would beg my Mom for notes, I would get a headache, I would do whatever. It wasn’t that I was lazy, it was that I just plain and simple couldn’t do what they were asking me to do. It was 60 minutes a day of people laughing at me. High jump, long jump, triple jump, sprinting, long distance running, all things not made for me. It was humiliating and horrible.

Well, my friends wrote me a note and handed it to me at the end of the school day. I had a 10 block walk home, and I cried for 8 blocks of it. The note said, “we know why you hate phys. ed, it’s because you’re fat and it’s hard for you. Everyone knows that’s why you don’t participate so stop being a baby”. I think they were hoping it would empower me somehow, but all it did was sting. They were right, but having this group of people call it out like that, left me feeling so exposed and vulnerable. I felt safer thinking that no one knew why I was hiding, and now my secret was out.

Why couldn’t people just leave me alone? Why did my weight matter so much to them? And why in the world did my being different give everyone license to say whatever they wanted to me?

Speaking out against bullying has kind of become “my thing”. I’ve written numerous blog posts about it, and if you’re interested, you can read them all here. I go out of my way to teach my kids that they are not better than anyone else, that their differences don’t make them more “normal”, and that I EXPECT them to always choose the high road – no matter how hard it is. If you’re around me and you start teasing people or make rude comments, you will get called on it. No one deserves to be made to feel like they’re “less than” ever.

I try to not see the differences in the people around me. I accept that we may all believe in different things and/or have different opinions, but that it doesn’t make one of us more “right”. I recognize that many of us have been deeply hurt by others, and that sometimes all we need is a listening and non-judgemental friend. I don’t pretend to be perfect and I most certainly don’t expect others to be either. I choose to not point out others weaknesses or flaws in order to steer the focus away from mine. I strive to be a light to this world instead of someone promoting darkness. I want people to not go through what I have.

It’s time for us to get real, and stop assuming that we’re better than someone else. Our looks, our beliefs, the clothes we wear or the churches we attend shouldn’t be fodder for cruelty. We don’t need to agree with each other, and we don’t even need to get along, but we do need to be decent human beings. Say it, believe it and model it to the world around you. We are “different” from each other, we are not “better”.

Today is Anti-Bullying day. I hate that we actually have to have a day to remind people to be decent human beings and think about others before they open their mouths. We shouldn’t need to put on pink t-shirts to “take a stand” and make a difference. I appreciate that it’s a reminder that we can do better, but please, no matter what colour shirt you wear, DON’T BE A BULLY.

meanpeople

Perfect? Not so much.

Life, Mom Stuff February 21, 2013 Comments: 10

It was 4am and I was in my 6 month old daughters bedroom for what seemed to be about the 18th time that night. She just wouldn’t stay asleep no matter what I did. She would settle for a second, and then she would start crying all over again. It was a cycle that seemed to just keep repeating itself, over and over and over.

I was so tired. This was at least the third night in a row that this was happening. My body didn’t seem to even be working properly anymore. I was so tired. I remember actually considering throwing her at the wall. For real. Instead, I laid her on the floor, leaned back in the chair and the two of us cried for the next 30 minutes. Once I was able to catch my breath, I picked her up and rocked her some more. But at that moment, I truly understood how people just “lose it” and do something they so don’t mean to do. Thankfully, I NEVER got to that place, but I could totally see how it happens.

I loved my little girl more than anything in this world, but my mind and my body were failing me. Why wasn’t I able to soothe her? Why in the world would these horrible thoughts even enter my brain? Why was I such a bad Mother?

For the longest time, I was convinced that I was the only one living that. The only one that came that close to losing their mind. I felt completely alone in my Mommy battles and it seemed like all the other young Mom’s around me were perfect. They were all telling stories about how wonderful things were at home. How their angel babies were the joys of their days. How they were sleeping through the night. How they were such good babies all the time. NO ONE talked about how tough things were. It was only me. I was the only one that wasn’t living a blissful life with my baby.

Looking back now, I know that wasn’t true. I know that they were probably struggling with the same things that I was, but were too scared or ashamed to talk about it. They were more interested in “appearing” to have it all together than to just be honest. Instead of being truthful, we all suffered in silence and worked through things on our own. We had become islands unto ourselves, and even though we were attending Mommy support groups, we were living a lie.

I wish that even one person would’ve been brave enough to say, “this is hard, I am so tired, and I just need to vent”. I wish I would’ve said it and started the conversation that would’ve not only helped me, but helped someone else. I wish that I would’ve had the confidence to trust that someone would understand that I desperately loved my little girl, but that I just needed a friend.

So many times in our lives we get caught up in “being” something else, something that we really aren’t. Our lives aren’t perfect, and yet we quite often pretend like they are. We get so caught up in the Norman Rockwell perfect life image that we forget to really live. We become oppressed by something that doesn’t even exist. We become slaves to a lifestyle that isn’t even attainable, and it can be years before we realize how lost we really are.

I think it’s time for us to all get really honest. Be truthful about what’s going on in your life and quit pretending that everything is perfect. When that pressure goes away, we will find so much freedom. We will be able to just breathe and be. Give yourself permission to not be perfect, and let the people around you know that you’re not expecting that of them either. It’s time to be real with each other.

If you’re having a really bad Mommy moment … talk about it. You will be surprised by how many other Mom’s have been in the exact same place and probably have some advice to share. Or maybe they’ll just give you a hug and share a laugh. Either way, isn’t that better than just suffering alone?

If you can’t afford to go out for coffee or lunch everyday, don’t. If you don’t have a Coach purse, does that really make you less of a person? At some point, you just won’t be able to maintain the image that you’re fighting desperately to keep. The people who you’re trying to impress aren’t going to be there to help you pay your bills. All you’re going to end up as is broke and bitter as you look back on all the “fun” you used to have. It is so not worth it.

If you and your spouse are in a not so great place, tell someone. Odds are good, a minimum of one person in your circle of friends is in the exact same boat. Sometimes, just speaking your concerns out loud are enough to help you get through it. Every relationship has tough times, you don’t need to fight through them alone.

Quit worrying about the car you drive, the clothes you wear or the school that your children attend. Stop joining every club under the sun or attending every meeting because you hope that it will make you more “popular”. A bigger house, a vacation home or an exclusive social club will not make your life complete.

Instead, find what makes you happy and focus on that. No matter where your joy is found, there’s always going to be ups and downs. It’s never going to be perfect, and that’s okay. Be truthful about where you’re at, happy, sad, good and bad. It all makes up your life story, own it.

My story has been very interesting, and I’ve battled through too many things in my life to not allow them to become lessons for others. Each and every day is an opportunity to make a difference in someone elses’ life, and that’s what I plan on doing. Let my imperfections give you permission to just be yourself. And please KNOW that you are never alone in your battles and that there is ALWAYS someone else fighting the same fight.

Say good-bye to your journey to perfect, and hello to Reality. It really is a fabulous place to live.

perfectlife

The Fat Girl Responds

Life, The Road to Skinny February 17, 2013 Comments: 7

When I wrote my letter, I SO wasn’t expecting the response that it received. For 3 days straight, it was everywhere I looked. Facebook, Twitter and even Pinterest. It was shared so many times that I lost count. It became so much more than it was ever intended to be, as my words had become the voice of many. Truth be told, I had just written it because I was mad. I wasn’t hurt and I wasn’t sad, I was just a “fat girl” who was done.

I received more responses and private messages that I ever even dreamed possible and I thank-you for all of them. Many of them were sent with love and encouragement, and some challenged me and I first want to respond to those ones.

Number One. I’m Fat, and I totally own that. By calling myself that name, I’m in no way demeaning myself, I’m calling it like it is. I’m also a brunette with size 11 feet. Those are facts. ”Fat” is just a word. Calling someone fat and lazy, or unloveable because they’re fat, or walking by while making cow noises is a whole different ballgame. There is a HUGE difference.

Number Two. Yes, I’m on a diet and trying to lose weight. Well, I’m actually not even on a diet, I’m on a journey that involves me taking better care of myself. If I lose weight, awesome. If I don’t, I’m in an amazing place and I’m happy. Me trying to lose weight, in no way, means that I hate myself or am unsatisfied in my life. My letter and my personal journey in no way contradict each other.

Number Three. Yes, name calling hurts. BUT I have MADE THE CHOICE to not let it hurt me. I’m choosing to believe that my outward appearance isn’t who I am. You can also make the same choices that I have. If we give people the power to tear us down, they will. Keep that power for yourself and kick the haters to the curb. Period.

Many of the other comments absolutely broke my heart, as the majority of the people that sent them weren’t ‘feeling” the same confidence and peace that I do. They’re feeling defeat and like they’re “less than” because someone told them so. Strangers and even “friends” are constantly beating each other down with their words. It’s so stinking sad.

I also received messages or saw comments saying “she landed a hot husband”, and “she scored with him”, or other things along that same line. Problem is, that judgement of how great my husband is was based on nothing more than his appearance. He is a wonderful man, and indeed I’m blessed to have him in my life, but you can’t tell that by looking at him. People were doing the exact thing that I was standing up against. I totally recognize that it wasn’t done maliciously and that people were saying it as a compliment to me, but it was still an appearance based judgement none-the-less.

Calling someone fat is one of the few “socially acceptable” slurs still floating around. Think about it. How often do you hear fat jokes and laugh? How often are you out with friends and an overweight person walks by and someone makes an ignorant comment? How often do you, yourself say “look how fat she is”? We’ve all done it at one point or another and it needs to stop.

Reality is, this isn’t just about fat people, it’s about people in general. We REALLY need to stop judging each other based on physical features alone. Why does it matter what people look like? And why does that determine whether or not we should tease or make fun them? Why can’t you see a person, and just think of them as a person, and nothing more? Why do I need to be “Fat April” as opposed to just April? If you spend time getting to know me and THEN decide that you don’t like me, thank-you. That’s exactly how it should be.

In all honesty, watching people around us quite often inspires us to become better ourselves. Seeing someone that’s overweight and thinking that I don’t want to be that, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Seeing a homeless person living on the streets and not wanting that life, may drive home why we want to work harder to avoid that. Seeing someone with tattoos all across their face or a million piercings may just verify why we choose to do or not do that. Noticing people and how they present themselves in itself isn’t a bad thing. Calling them out on it because it doesn’t align with your idea of perfect, IS.

I think it’s totally unreasonable to expect people to stop making judgements and to start only seeing people for what they are and not what they look like. In a perfect world, that would happen, but we’re not in that place. We are a society that is totally “looks” based and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I’d love for us all to make a personal effort to try to not pre-judge people and hopefully, one day we’ll see a huge difference in our world. But in the meantime, I challenge you all to just be kinder to your fellow-man.

Make your judgements, but shut your yap. If you don’t find someone attractive, okay, don’t date them. If overweight people just aren’t your “thing”, that’s fine, choose differently. If you think super skinny people aren’t good looking, that’s your prerogative. If you don’t want to cover your body in tattoos, more power to you. This world is a huge place, we are always going to find someone who we’re attracted to or we have something in common with. If we stopped pre-judging, we might just make some awesome new friends. People that might really affect our lives, challenge our thinking or bring us unspeakable joy.

So the next time you see someone who doesn’t fit your picture of what the “ideal” person should look like, just smile and go on your way. I’m not asking you to stop and ask them out for coffee, I’m asking you to treat them like human beings. We all don’t need to like each other or become friends, but we don’t need to be hurtful. Be respectful. Be gracious. And for pete’s sake, really truly treat people how you want to be treated.

Frankly, our relationships shouldn’t all be based on whether or not we would think that person would look good naked or whether or not you’d “tap that”. If you’re not attracted to me, I’m totally okay with that. But don’t for one second think that because you “think” you look better than me that I’m thinking you’re “God’s gift”. I’ll be waiting for you to open your mouth and actually speak to me. Your words will help me determine your value, and if you choose to call me a Fat Cow, feel free to consider yourself “judged”.

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