Just a Mom.

13 May

I was 20 years old when I met my future husband. I had never lived by myself or with friends, and in fact, still lived with my parents. I’d never attended college or been anywhere farther east than Saskatchewan. I was a daughter and a sister, and most certainly not even considering becoming a mother.  Almost exactly one year later, I married my best friend. I was now a wife.

We moved to a new city, 5 hours away from everything I knew. I had no friends, no job and no idea what I was going to “be when I grew up”. I can remember the quietness of my new house and it made me insane. I had left a household of 8 people and had become a family of 2. I had to leave the TV on all the time just so I could have background noise and didn’t have to talk to myself. I was young and in love, a little unsure of myself and kinda lost, but I was happy. And then I was a Mom.

I fell madly in love with this little person. She filled my days with joy, smiles and giggles. She made my nights sleepless and seemingly never-ending. She made me happy and I was so proud to call her mine. As she grew and my life changed, something inside of me was awakening. I was surrounded by children, some mine, and some that were loaned to me to parent. I was still happily married to a very good man. I had a very good life, but something was missing.

I can remember sitting there and thinking about all of the things that I hadn’t done in my life. I hadn’t lived on my own. I’d never gone to school. I’d never gone off to see the world and experience fun and exciting things. I had never just been “me”, as in me, myself and I. I had become someone else. I was Just. A. Mom.

For some reason that terrified me. Was that all I was ever going to be? Would that be the only thing people remembered me for? Why wasn’t that good enough? Why did I “need” to be more than that? Suddenly I was questioning everything about myself and all that I knew, and then, I woke up.

Yes, I am a Mother, but I most certainly am not ”Just a Mom”.

I am responsible for helping little people become all that they think they can be, and then a little bit more. I am quite possibly raising a future world leader. I am teaching my children about equality and respect and grace. I am showing them that nobody is better than anyone else. I am giving them the confidence to stand up for themselves and the people around them. I am lifting them up when the world beats them down. I am rescuing children from horrible circumstances and giving them a brighter future. I am making promises to love them and support them in whatever they choose to do or wherever they choose to go. I am preparing them for the hard decisions that they will have to make. I am giving them my words when they don’t have their own. I am molding and shaping the gifts that God gave me. I am changing the world.

I have the hardest, scariest, toughest, most exciting, fun and fulfilling job ever. I get no pay, no vacation or sick days. I have many awesome days and just as many horrible ones. I witness life changing moments. I am unconditonally loved even when I don’t always deserve it. I get to laugh and cry and tell stupid jokes.  I have been blessed with something that many women will never get the joy of experiencing. Who am I to question the value of what I do? I am a very blessed woman and a darn good Mom.

So, to all the “Just a Moms”, the Mom’s to be and the Mom’s that want nothing more than just have the opportunity to try. Never, ever doubt your worth. Never, ever question your role and the importance that it carries. Never look back and question “what if”? You are exactly where you’re supposed to be, cherish it and enjoy the ride. Happy Mothers Day to all of you!

Thanks to http://slapdashmom.com/inspirational-motherhood-quotes/ for the pic.

Tags: , , , , ,

The Road to Skinny … 50 Pounds

3 May

Well, I finally did it. Someway, somehow I crossed the 50 pounds lost line. I’m forcing myself to celebrate that and not focus on all of the other pounds that still need to follow those ones on their merry way. I’m desperately trying to not think about how far I still have to go, but on how far I’ve come. Why is that so hard to do?

51 lbs and what has changed? I don’t know that I really look all that different. I can definitely wear smaller clothes, and I do “feel” a bit better, but overall, it’s still me. In my head, I know that I’m a different person than I was 6 months ago, but I don’t feel it. I want to feel it. One day, I’m going to wake up and my heart will have caught up with what I know. It’s going to be awesome.

So… in the meantime, I’m going to listen to my head, and trust what I see on the scale. 50 lbs does count for something. That’s good enough for me. For now.

Sometimes enough really is enough.

1 May

Theres many times in life when we’re presented with situations and people that we really don’t know what to do with. They challenge our beliefs and test our patience. They make us question our own sanity and our place in this world. They force us to look deeply into ourselves. These relationships and situations don’t always end well, sometimes they just end.

If you’re at that place in your life, I want to encourage you. Look for the lessons that these things are teaching you, as there is always a lesson to be learned. There is good in every situation and sometimes we just might have to look a little bit harder to find it. Give every situation and relationship all that you have to give. Work with good intention and operate in grace and understanding. Then you can always take comfort in the knowledge that you’ve done your best. And really, what more can you offer than your very best?

If you’re feeling more sorrow than joy. If you’re giving and giving and never receiving. If you cry more than you rejoice. If you enjoy someones absence more than their presence. If you feel like you’re losing yourself while trying to build someone up, it just might be time to move on.  

Please recognize the value of yourself and how important your own health and welfare is. At some point, you’re going to have to say enough is enough and do what is best for you and your family.

When it’s time to close the chapter, close it and move on. You’ve done all that you could, take comfort in that.  Life is meant to be enjoyed, move forward and smile. It’s all going to be okay.

See original source of this image here: http://postitsonyourfridge.tumblr.com/page/7

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Faith shouldn’t make you Crazy.

10 Apr

This post is different from the rest, but it’s something that I really feel like I must address. Agree or disagree, that’s totally cool. Either way, think of this as a challenge to do better.

Religion/Faith. Why does it make so many people crazy, and mean and totally inappropriate? Why is it that people use it as a shield to hide behind while they throw stones and jabs at others? Why do people claim their own righteousness while lying about what they’re doing behind closed doors? Why do people believe that a proclamation of faith makes them more valuable than the others around them? Why do people insist on standing in a place of judgement when they themselves are not perfect? Why do Christian people spend so much time pushing Non-Christians away? Why do we continue to do these things to each other? I just don’t get it.

I consider myself truly blessed to have friends from all walks of life, with different belief systems and even some with no belief system at all. I’ve heard stories of people and their walks with God, and quite often their walk away from God. Many of my friends and acquaintances have switched their beliefs and now follow totally different systems than what they grew up with. Some have never heard any other “message” than what was taught to them when they were little. Many don’t really even believe in anything and just choose to do good. When I question friends and their choices, I’m always saddened to learn their reasons for not believing and/or walking away. It’s people. It’s almost always people. Stupid People.

I know what I believe and in my heart, I know that it is true and right. I know what I read in the bible, and those are the words that guide my life. I also recognize that there are many things in the bible that I accept as truths that lots of people don’t share with me. I’m also fully aware that lots of people feel that many of the principles and ideals taught in the bible are outdated and really don’t apply anymore. I know that the Bible has been interpreted many different ways, and that bits and pieces have been changed to suit different groups purposes and beliefs. I know all of that, and yet, I still believe.

What bothers me more than anything is when “Christians” act holier than thou and beat each other down in the name of their religion. Until we are perfect and without any sin in our own hearts and lives, we cannot judge. Ever. Do you not see that by judging so harshly that you’re pushing people so far into corners that they have to come out fighting? What is the point in putting people on the defensive? What purpose does that really serve? Please tell me where God is in that?

Am I suggesting that you turn your back on what you believe and throw your ideals to the wind? Absolutely not. What I am suggesting is that we listen to the people around us. If you don’t agree with what they’re saying or what they’re practicing, that’s okay. It’s your right to walk away, just as it is theirs. You do not have to support their causes, their political choices or what they practice at home. But you can love them in spite of your differences and be an example of what God has asked us to do. Love one another.

God is about forgiveness and meeting people exactly where they’re at. God is about saving people from themselves and their silly choices and decisions. God is about loving your neighbour as yourself. God is not about judgement, discord or ignorance. If you’ve been affected negatively by “christians”, please know that we’re not all the same. God didn’t let you down, people did. Never forget that.

People mess up all the time. There are gossips leading churches. Revered pastors have engaged in extra-marital affairs. Congregation members have met outside of church and engaged in illegal activities. Political leaders make false statements. Upstanding leaders commit horrific crimes.  Those things do happen, but that isn’t God. That is people exercising their free will, a God given right. Unfortunately some people use that gift to abuse and mistreat others or to act with outright stupidity. God doesn’t make mistakes. People Do. There IS a difference.

If you are a Christian person preaching your faith to the world, watch your actions and your words. The world is watching you and judging you, EXACTLY as you’re judging them. If you want people to respect our rights to speak out for what we believe in, you have to respect theirs. If you want to be able to speak into other people’s lives, you need to leave the lines of communication open. Bashing on others sexual orientation, statements of faith, seedy past or current lifestyle choices does not show the love of God that should emanate from within us.

On the flip side, if you are a leader in your community and are fighting for things that are important to you, please act the same way. As strongly as you feel, recognize that others are feeling just as strongly on the other side. Respect is a two-way street, we ALL need to remember that. There are many things that I will not sway on, no matter your argument or presentation of evidence. I ask that you respect them, and honor my choice to believe in them. We may not always agree, but I will honor your choices while I stand up for mine.  

Recognize that your words and actions can and will affect people around you. If you truly believe in something, share it with grace. We can still stand up for what we believe in without tearing others down. We can fight for our own causes, teach our children what we want, and choose our political leaders without ripping theirs to shreds. Frankly, if we stop judging each other, we just might be able to let some walls down and be exactly who we’re meant to be.

*I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I’m not a bible scholar, a preacher or an activist of any kind. I am someone that struggles with being the best that I can be everyday. I mess up and I ask forgiveness. I work at being an example to my children and the world around me. I want people to always feel safe enough to share their lives with me. I want to do better.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

The Road to Skinny … Scales Suck

27 Mar

I don’t know why a number on a scale determines our value. Why can the slightest change, good or bad determine how we feel about ourselves? Why is our reaction to that number INSTANT? If you’ve lost, you immediately focus on how much farther you need to go. If you’ve gained, you spend the next few days beating yourself up for messing up your diet. Why can’t we just look at the number, accept what we see and then continue pressing forward? Why do we torture ourselves?

I had completely stopped weighing myself and was just judging my progress by how my clothes fit. But I’ve now joined a weightless challenge and am measuring my progress every week. I’m still losing but I hate having to face those numbers every week. On one hand it’s nice to have a number to gauge my progress, but I still don’t like that I have to stare at something that marks every bad eating choice that I’ve ever made. It’s also hard watching all of my “teammates” as they go through the same emotions. Some refuse to weigh themselves until they feel like they’ve achieved something. Some are totally defeated and are ready to give up after viewing the dreaded numbers. Some smile. Some laugh. Some cry. It is just so very wrong. That number does not determine my worth. I “KNOW” that and I cannot wait until I “FEEL” it. My hope is that everyone going through this journey with me will also feel it sooner than later.

I’m happy to report that I’m now down 48 lbs and am only 2 lbs from crossing a significant number on my stupid scale. For now, I hold on to my success and I will ignore the distance that I still have to travel.

Tags: , , ,

Oh how things have changed.

25 Mar

Because of the businesses that I own, I find myself surrounded by Moms that are almost half my age. They’ve got babies and toddlers and I’ve got a girl that’s about to get her driver’s license. They “practice” things that I’ve never even heard of until speaking with them. They go to support groups and play places, they tweet and facebook and virtually support each other. Their Mom journey’s are totally different from mine. Totally.

This was all reinforced a few weeks ago when a huge debate broke out on a friends Facebook page. It was fueled by the ever volatile subject of breastfeeding and it’s ability to rile up the emotions of Mama’s everywhere. I’m not even going to touch on that subject but on something else that I noticed in the conversation. There was lots of talk about trusting your doctor as opposed to someone specifically trained in a field. There was mention of seeking out help online or doing more personal research.  It quickly became apparent to me that many of the argumentative points were based on differences in where ”we” come from. It was definitely an Old Mom vs New Mom situation, with neither person really being wrong, just coming from completely different places.

It started me thinking about how things have changed in the past 16 years, and I thought I would share some of these differences with you. As I write them all down, I really am amazed at how much has changed and can only imagine what our grandmothers are thinking when they watch us with our babies.

Everything you’re about to read is based on MY experiences, not my Mother’s. My youngest is just about to turn 12 … I have not been a Mom for all that long, but the differences are pretty surprising.

Google. Yep, we didn’t have it. We weren’t able to just jump on the internet, search out a topic and get some answers. We had to ask our parents and grandparents, friends and doctors.  Truth be told, we didn’t even have the internet at all. I distinctly remember moving into my new house with my 3 and a half year old daughter and being incredibly excited about getting dial-up internet installed. I used to love the little fuzzy beep and crackle sounds that it made as it connected. You wouldn’t stay online for very long because it took forever and a day for a page to even load, and if you wanted to also use the telephone, you couldn’t. It was more of a novelty for fun as opposed to the real help that it is today.

Specialists. You’d probably be surprised to know that lots of us didn’t even have OBGYN’s. When you got pregnant, you went to your normal doctor. When you went into labour, you went to the hospital. Depending on where you lived, you might have had to drive 3 hours to even see a doctor. Specialists definitely existed, but they were few and far between. We just couldn’t pick up the phone and call a clinic somewhere for help. Even if those clinics were actually out there, their phone numbers most certainly weren’t advertised.

Every Good Mom had these items in their diaper bags. These were our go-to products, and pretty much our only options.

 Yes, those are examples of the horrific diaper bags that we had to carry. We did not have Designer Options and if you managed to get a bag with a bottle pocket, you had scored something awesome.

Support Mommy Groups. Nope, didn’t have those either. They may have existed, but they most certainly weren’t talked about or recommended by anyone. I wouldn’t even have known where to begin looking for one. Now they’re everywhere and they’re awesome. Our play “places” were found in  McDonalds or Ikea. Moms weren’t encouraged to take their babies with them anywhere, and most certainly not to a coffeehouse.

Lactation Consultants. I got help in the hospital. It consisted of a nurse coming into my room, grabbing my boob and the back of my babies head and shoving them together. There latched, now go on home. There was LaLeche league but as far as I knew, they were all about 100 years old and they didn’t seem all that relevant to me. Yes, I was misinformed.

Co-Sleeping. Elimination Communication. Babywearing. Circumcision. Breastfeeding. All topics that were never really even talked about. If you had a boy, you got him circumsized. That was that. We all tried breastfeeding and if it was going well, you kept at it. If it wasn’t, you switched to formula. No big deal at all. Babywearing was a Snugli that you got at your baby shower but it was so obviously uncomfortable for your baby, that you didn’t wear it for more than 11 minutes. Co-Sleeping consisted of a bassinette within arms reach of your bed.  Elimination Communication. Say what??

You’ll notice that the baby swing has a hand-crank, perfect for startling your baby from a deep sleep. The chicken wire baby gate that was supposed to stop your babe from riding their walker down to the basement. Yet another fabulous invention.

The lovely bathtub ring that was actually triple the width of your slippery child, and not at all dangerous. Please notice that the Jolly Jumper required you to tie and snap your baby into it and then clamp them to a door frame for fun. Our car seats were basically plastic buckets with a strap to hold our babies in them.

Organic Food, Allergies & No-No’s. The only “organic” things we had, you bought at the farmers market or you had to search high and low to find. Peanut Butter sandwiches were all my kids had in their lunches until a few years ago. You fed your baby rice cereal within weeks of coming home from the hospital. Babies slept on their tummies and we all had bumper pads in our cribs. Gripe water & Tylenol were the first answer for most ailments, and slipping a little bit of brandy into a bottle wasn’t unheard of. It also was still okay to drink a glass of wine everyday while pregnant.

Surprisingly, we got through it all without really knowing much. We’ve raised amazing kids that somehow survived the now banned products that we strapped them into daily. They’re alive, well-developed and well-adjusted.  We trusted our gut feelings more than anything else. We were young moms doing the best that we knew how to do with very little outside information. Common Sense truly was our guide, and for that I’m grateful.

I challenge you all as Moms to really listen to the other Mom’s around you without judgement or disrespect. You may just hear something that will change your life. Or make you laugh. Or make you cry. Or make you feel not quite so alone.  Just listen and learn from each other. Us Oldies have a lot to teach and share. Be patient with us as we “catch-up” and remember that we have been exactly where you are, we just did things differently. We are Moms, not Opponents. Never forget that.

Tags: , , , , , ,

Thankfulness & Recognition

18 Mar

The past couple of years have been tough, but I’ve made it through. I’ve been stretched and pulled in so many directions and at times felt like I was spinning out of control. But through it all, I’ve been so incredibly blessed to have met people who have changed me. I’ve reaffirmed long time friendships and I’ve formed some new ones. I’ve learned things about myself and have been challenged by the beliefs of others. I am a different person than I used to be, and that’s good.

I want to acknowledge some people, places and things that have changed me and helped me grow. I hope that my words will encourage friends and possibly lead some of you to new things that have shaped me and are pushing me forward.  For the people mentioned, I want  you to know that your gifts to me have not gone un-noticed. I want to thank you for helping me through. For all of the other great friends that I’ve been blessed with, you too are not forgotten. Please know that you’re all a part of making me, “me”.

This post is personal and isn’t at all like what you’re used to reading, but I need to write it. I don’t think we ever really take enough time to recognize the people, places and things that mould us and shape us each and every day. So, today, I’m choosing to do exactly that. Next year, I’ll write another list.

“My Family”

As much as they drive me crazy sometimes, or do things that I don’t understand or even necessarily agree with, I wouldn’t change any of them. I love that even though our lives are getting busier and we’re not spending as much time to together as we used to, that things are still pretty much the same. It’s nice knowing that there’s always a safe place to land or a helping hand when needed. I truly have been blessed with great parents, great siblings and great foster sisters. Things aren’t always perfect, but we’ll always have a place to go home to.

“New Friends”

Kristi. My fabulous partner in crime from KeyLime Clothing. I have throughly enjoyed working with her and getting to know her better. She has been a great encouragement to me and an awesome sounding board. I can now say that I actually enjoy going to “work”, and love that somehow we manage to accomplish a lot while laughing hysterically. I so appreciate her and I am so thankful to be able to call her my friend. Thank-you for taking a chance on my business and letting me join you in yours.

Natasha. She is the voice of the Natural Urban Mama. She has taught me about things that I didn’t even know existed. She is a strong, passionate and intelligent woman who challenges me in my thinking.  I admire her willingness to take on things and attitudes when other people won’t. She is a Crunchy Mama, but she still loves me in spite of my non-crunchiness. Thank-you for listening to me and giving me words when I had no more. Thank-you for being my Go-to Guru.

Nicola. The Sprogess. I am so thankful that a stranger challenged our ability to be friends. Without that push, I never would’ve sent the email that began our friendship. I love her sense of humor and her ability to make everyone feel comfortable. I admire her entrepreneurial spirit and her drive to do things better. She is good people. Thank-you for always making me laugh and for working with me, not against me.

Brandon & Deborah. They are actually old acquaintances that became excellent friends over the past year. They’ve been loyal and caring when other people weren’t. They’ve been an encouragement when encouragement was desperately needed. They are exactly what real friends should be. Thank-you for loving me and my family.

Kerri, Wendy & Connie. Thank-you for letting me be a part of Urban Infant magazine. I love that I’m able to share my life and Mom experiences with the world. Thanks for letting me be exactly who I am, a run-on sentence, grammatical nightmare of a writer. You are so appreciated and I wish you all much success in your ventures.

*I included links to their businesses as I love them and what they do. Please consider it as a shameless pitch for my friends, and NONE of them knew anything about it.

“Old Friends”

My Husband. Thank-you for standing beside me as I continue to work through all of these crazy health issues. Thank-you for being both Mom & Dad on the days that I could hardly function. Thank-you for letting me whine endlessly about things that hurt, how sick I feel, how much I miss bread and about all the doctors and dentists that scare me to death. Our family would not have survived these last 2 years without you.  I love you. A lot.

Shandra. What to say to someone who has endured way more than I can ever imagine but still manages to smile and encourage others. No matter what you’re thinking or feeling, YOU are a light in a lot of other people’s darkness.  You’re an awesome Mom, and an awesome friend. NEVER forget that. Thanks for being my strongest “constant”.

Tracy. Thank-you for being a loyal friend and for loving my family as your own. It’s nice knowing that if I ever need anything, or need someone to “have my back” that I’ve got you and your awesome husband. We are all very blessed to have you in our lives … exactly as you are.

“Places or Things.” (I’m fully aware that I really can’t “thank” these things but they have changed me, without question).

Bumblebee Baby. The purchase of this business completely changed my life. It opened new doors, new connections and new opportunities. I am so thankful for Sonya and her decision to let her “baby” go, and let me have a crack at it.  Things really do happen for a reason … she’s living her dream and I’m living mine.

Facebook. – I love my friends, connecting with present ones and re-connecting with old ones but Facebook has helped me grow my business more than anything else has. It really is one of the best marketing tools that I’ve put to use yet.

Bossy Mama. – My first introduction into a “women in business” group. It’s a great support network and an awesome place to meet other Moms in business and is spearheaded by a super cool lady.

Social Circlet. – A fabulous group started by 2 even more fabulous women as a means of promoting local business and working together. I consider myself blessed to be a part of it.

My Blog. – Yes, I’m responsible for making this one happen but I’m so thankful that I have the opportunity to write and share my heart. I love that people actually read it and are being inspired to try new things or look at things differently. I don’t claim to be an expert in anything but love that my mistakes and experiences might make a difference in someone elses life. I love that.

Twitter. – Without Twitter, I never would’ve met or shared with many of the people who I now consider Friends. For that I’m grateful.

This group of tweeps get special mention as I’ve never been so challenged in all of my life by a group of ” complete strangers”. Not in a bad way as such, but in all sorts of ways. I’ve interacted with people who I never would’ve met otherwise. My ideals, faith and morals have been questioned numerous times, and just as often, I’ve questioned others. But through it all, I love that we’ve  usually been able to find a happy medium and a shared respect for each other. I’m hopeful that as these “friendships” grow that we’ll be able to speak into each others lives, in ways that were never before possible.

I now challenge you to recognize the people and places in your life that matter. Your words may be exactly what they’re needing at this very moment.

← Older Entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.