My Ideal Journey Begins

Life, Mom Stuff, The Road to Skinny June 15, 2013 Comments: 9

Surprise, I’ve started a new diet program. And an even bigger surprise, I’m actually happy about it. Today was my one week “anniversary” of starting the program, and my results are pretty amazing. But let’s go back a bit.

About a month ago, my friend Josline approached me and asked me if I’d heard of the Ideal Protein diet. I had heard about it, but hadn’t really put too much thought into it as I was thinking it was similar to Bernstein, and I CANNOT afford to go down that road again. She let me know it wasn’t like that at all and set me straight. We had a long chat about it and she explained how it worked, and how it would not only help me lose weight but help me feel better. For me, that was a big deal.

I’ve let go of my “need to be skinny”, and have more or less accepted how I look. What I’m not happy about is how stinkin’ crappy I feel all the time. I gain weight and I lose weight constantly. I suffer from headaches, food sensitivities, stomach problems, random pain, etc, etc. And frankly, it’s gotten really old. I’d like to say that my weight has nothing to do with all my issues, but I think that would be naïve. So I began this journey with the intention of changing my life, it’s not about skinny, it’s about getting healthy.

So, why Ideal Protein? Well, for me, it’s actually pretty simple. Number One. I’m lazy. Number Two. I HATE cooking and preparing food, so I quite often end up eating nothing until it’s midnight and I’m starving. Nachos and pop are oh so good at that time of the day, or toast, oh how I love toast. And well, that seems to just be making me fatter and sicker. I need quick and easy and ready for me. Ideal Protein gives me exactly that.

With this plan, I get 3-4 protein “packs” per day. There’s a tonne of different packs to choose from, so I’m able to actually get a pretty decent variety of foods to eat throughout the week. There’s shakes, bars, soups, crunchy snacks, puddings, pancakes, oatmeal, etc. I also get to have a schwackload of vegetables and as much lettuce as I want to eat. As a bonus, at supper, I get to sit down and eat with my family. I don’t get the pasta and/or potatoes that they’re eating, but I do get the meat and veggies. So before people question, yes, I’m eating real food, lots of it. Difference being, I’m not eating any fast food or sugar.

When I went into the clinic to meet my coach Kerri, I was weighed, measured and fat tested. And let me tell you, that’s a fun time. Nothing like finding out that your body is made of almost 50% fat, which I’m sure is wrong as I think it’s actually happiness and joy that fill me out, not fat. Just sayin’.  ;) She gave me this fancy little shopping bag, a shaker cup and helped me pick out all my food for the week. I also got a bunch of vitamins and some special salt for my food. I came home with everything and a little journal to write down what I eat, how much water I drink and how I was feeling each day. I ate the last piece of my birthday cake, read all the diet tips and prepared myself to begin the next day.

        

My first two days were horrific. My body was detoxing and apparently when your body is deprived of the Coke Zero that has become it’s lifeblood, it’s not happy. I basically had a headache so bad that I could hardly see, and just felt like death warmed over. And I was hungry, hangry kinda hungry. But when I woke up on day three, the world was a much brighter happier place. Just a slight headache, and not nearly as hungry. Day four – not even remotely hungry and having to remind myself to eat.

It’s not easy, nothing worth doing ever is, but I’m doing it and it feels good. I’m loving that I’m able to grab something to eat on the fly, instead of just living on diet pop. I’m actually putting good, healthy food into my body as opposed to McDonalds, Iced Capps and my special friend Coke Zero. I actually ate a raw pepper the other day. And apparently, I don’t need to put ketchup on everything. Who knew food would still taste good when it wasn’t covered in sauces or sugar? I sure didn’t.

Back to my one week anniversary. Well, I lost 8 lbs and 8.5″. Not too shabby at all and it’s definitely all the encouragement I need to keep moving forward. I also haven’t had a headache in 3 days, and that’s HUGE. 8lbs is nice, not having to lay in a room with my eyes shut for hours, is even nicer.

I’m going to be blogging my journey in hopes that it will keep me a little bit more accountable and “aware” of myself. I’ll blog weekly but you can also follow along with me on Twitter. I’ll be using the hash tag #idealapril and I’ll be brutally honest about what’s going on with me each day. 

I’m REALLY bad at taking care of myself, and I’m going to need all of you reminding me to put me FIRST. It’s been a long time since I’ve done exactly that, and it’s time.

IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you. 

Small Disclaimer at Bottom of Post: I am being compensated for sharing my Ideal Protein story with you.

Is it a beginning or an end?

Life, Mom Stuff June 6, 2013 Comments: 9

Everyday I’m faced with the reality of just how different I am than the people I’ve surrounded myself with. Not in a bad way, but in a “one of these things is not like the other” kinda way. Sometimes I feel like there’s something missing inside of me, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to find it. Am I not supposed to desire more, or want to see and experience more things? Why is that feeling just not there?

That may not really make sense to you, and frankly, I’m not sure that it even makes all that much sense to me, but let me explain it a little bit more.

When I look at pictures of far away places and see movies and hear stories that speak of adventure and new experiences, I’m content with the place that I am in. I have no desire to go and see them. None. When I see these same things in person, I see that they are beautiful and majestic, but I don’t “feel” them. I recognize that their placement in this world and the spaces that they fill are nothing short of a miracle, but still I’m happy to just appreciate them from afar.

When I get invited to attend events and experience new things, I don’t really want to go. It’s not that I don’t recognize that they are great opportunities to learn more and to see new things, but I don’t really feel any need to experience them. It’s not that I don’t like the people who are there or don’t want to spend time with them, I actually really, really like people and love being with them. But for some reason, that’s not a strong enough pull to get me there. I’m happy when I’m there, but I know that I’d be just as happy not being there. It is the weirdest thing, and it’s really hard to even put into words.

When I receive recognition or appreciation for the things I do or say, I almost feel guilty for hearing them. I really don’t feel like I’ve done anything that should be rewarded. I feel like I was put on this earth for a reason, and everything that I say or do is a reflection of that. I want to affect the people around me, not for my sake, but for theirs. And as I write that, I know it may come across as attention seeking, but trust me, it isn’t. I don’t want awards or to be pulled up on a stage, I want none of it. I want my life to be about making other people’s lives better, not about me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting new people and making new friends. I look forward to working on new ideas and starting new businesses. I love being a foster parent and the challenges that new kids bring to our world. I like expressing myself creatively through writing or design. I love my life, and the people that surround me.

But if I never did anything beyond what I’m doing today, I would be okay with that.  I am content in my life and have absolutely zero need for anything more. I literally am happy, exactly where I am.

Or so I thought.

A few weeks ago, I woke up with this incredibly strong feeling that something new was on my horizon. Something amazing that is just waiting for me to grab it and run with it. Something that may force me to step out of my contentment and comfortableness, and I’m not really sure how I feel about it.

Maybe I’m no longer content with being content. And maybe, just maybe, my normal is about to get really abnormal. Question is, am I ready to say good-bye to the old me and my old path? I really don’t know.

Are any of you in the same place as me? Are you completely satisfied with the life you’re living and don’t really feel like you need “more”? Are you waiting on the edge of a cliff, hoping that you’ll be brave enough to jump or are you just waiting for someone to throw you off? Are you ready to trust the voice inside of you that’s saying, GO. Go now.

I think it’s time to take a leap … who’s jumping with me?

Honouring the gift of a man named Kevin.

Life May 23, 2013 Comments: 6

21 yeas ago, I had a friend that liked our other friends boyfriends room-mate. I knew absolutely nothing about him, except that his name was Kevin. The first time we met, he was sitting on his front porch, reading my favourite book, which I noticed but didn’t really think too much about. And the second time, he gave me his car to drive myself home after my friend, and my ride, had gone home because “he” wasn’t paying any attention to her. That night, I told my Mom that I had just met my future husband.

Funny thing is, I really, honestly, didn’t “feel” anything for him. At all. I just KNEW that he was going to be my husband. Life went on and I “forgot” about my epiphany and my future plans. I went travelling with my Dad, and came home for a wedding. It was my friend’s birthday so I invited her to come over for cake. She had long given up the “quest to make Kevin hers”, but just so happened to have talked to him that day, so she invited him to come along. My Mom hired him to paint our house, and we were never apart again.

We spent hours and hours talking, and I finally began to “know” why he was destined to be mine. 6 months later we were engaged. 6 months after that, we were married. And I will forever be thankful for the gift that was given to me, in him.

I say all that, to say this. 2 weeks ago, my husband achieved something HUGE. Both literally and figuratively, and I am so stinking proud of him. He achieved it by working hard, pushing himself to his limits, and by playing fair. He accomplished something at almost 49 years of age that people half his age couldn’t even dream of achieving. He entered his first bodybuilding competition and won. He did this WITHOUT steroids and by doing all the right things. He began this journey when he was 16 years old, and in spite of knowing that he would never achieve the body of his bodybuilding heroes without “help”, he didn’t do it. He stayed natural, and worked twice as hard.

Unfortunately, not everyone believes that and it ticks me off. Some people are also assuming that because he’s so big and muscular, that all he thinks about is going to the gym and nothing else. Well, let me clear a few things up for you, right now. He is so much more than what you see on the outside, and even though that picture is pretty darned amazing, the person that he IS, is even more incredible.

Kevin is one of the most trustworthy and honourable people that you will ever meet. Integrity and honesty are what he practices on a daily basis. He is humble and does not boast of all that he has accomplished. He works harder than many people that I know, and is always willing to do what is necessary to take care of our family. He is faithful and diligent in all he does. He loves his family passionately and is an amazing father. He stands up for people that aren’t strong enough to stand on their own. He is quiet and unassuming, but never mistake his peaceful demeanor for weakness. He may be a man of few words, but his words are filled with thought and strength. He genuinely cares about people and wants to make a difference in our home and our community. He is not perfect by any means, but he is someone that this world needs more of. He is my best friend.

So for those of you that make the assumption that he is a muscle-headed steroid monkey, you are wrong. So very, very wrong. Biceps, Brains & Heart….THAT is my husband.

 

Love you Wiener.   ~ Your Wifey  xoxox

Fat equals Unpopular?

Life May 9, 2013 Comments: 11

Not a big secret … I’m fat. I’ve been called names, I’ve been ridiculed and I’ve been flat-out ignored. I’ve been the brunt of many a joke and have heard more snickers than I can even count. I’ve written many blog posts about it and even wrote a letter after an extra annoying day.

Funny thing is, I’ve never thought of myself as unpopular. Or ugly. And I MOST certainly didn’t believe that a certain brand of clothing made me look more beautiful or would help me fit in with all the cool kids. But apparently, Abercrombie & Fitch thinks their clothes are TOO GOOD for me and my big butt. Hhhmmm….interesting and pathetic.

Read The Story here.

When I read that story, I actually laughed out loud as it was one of the saddest displays of ignorance and stupidity that I’ve ever seen. Frankly, those statements were written by a bully with a serious self-esteem issue that needs his ego stroked by all the so-called “beautiful people”. It really, truly is sad.

So, Mr. A&F, don’t worry, I won’t be shopping in your store as I recognize that your clothes don’t fit me. And in all honesty, I really don’t care. Make whatever clothes you want to make in whatever sizes you want. That’s your prerogative. Even though you’re missing out on a large, no pun intended, group of consumers. You know, the ones that aren’t 16-22 and actually have good jobs and disposable income. The ones that are driving your target audience to the mall and providing them with the funds to buy their wardrobes. The same ones that now know that you hate them, but whatever. That’s your choice.

What I do have a problem with is your implication that only the “thin and beautiful” are worthy of wearing what you sell. That fat means you’re unpopular and that “we” will never fit in with the cool kids. That YOUR picture of beauty is the same as everyone else in the world.  That YOU are better than ME based solely on the size tag of my clothing.

You are wrong, and you should be ashamed. Unfortunately, I don’t think you really even care that you’re being a jerk and that you’ll continue to stand by your words and your vision for your company. Yeah you.

But thankfully, now that I know you don’t want the money of me or “my people”, you won’t get it. Not from me and not from my children. And to celebrate my decision to not give you my money, I’m going to spend some time in your stores. Me and my fatness are going to come in and hang out for awhile. I think I’ll try some stuff on and put on an a fashion show.  The clothes may not really “fit” but they’ll be on and I’m thrilled to know that your “core customers” will enjoy seeing me, in all my hotness wearing “your clothes”. It’s going to be awesome.

You may look at me and not like what you see but just so you know, my mirror thinks I’m pretty freaking amazing. You sir are a fool.

Getting lost in a Moment

Life, Mom Stuff April 9, 2013 1 Comment

Sometimes life hits us really hard, like square in the face with a very large hammer kinda hard. And quite often it feels like we’re not going to get through this situation and that we’re going to be stuck in it forever. But, I’m here to remind you that these experiences are only moments. They are not “forever’s and always”, they’re moments in a much, much bigger picture.

When you’re stuck in a bad one, that’s okay because it will pass. Get mad, get sad, scream, hit something, have a good cry or just shut your eyes for a while. Give yourself permission to react and don’t just try to block it out. It’s okay to be mad, and not understand why some things happen. Truth be told, it’s quite often our anger that brings about real change in our world. It’s the fire that fuels us to do something differently or better. It’s the voice that says, I do not accept this so I’m going to do something about it. Life REALLY sucks sometimes, and we’ll never change that but we can change how we react to it. But please promise me that no matter what, you won’t let a single “moment in time” take you down.

When it’s 3:30 am and your baby hasn’t slept for more than 20 minutes in the last 18 hours, feel free to be ticked off and annoyed. You’re tired. The baby’s tired. Your husband’s probably sound asleep and you just want to scream. It’s okay. This moment will one day be nothing but a memory, but for now, it is what it is. Acknowledge it but don’t give it anymore power than it already has.

When your best friend calls you crying because her life is falling apart, cry with her. Let her vent and yell and complain until she runs out of words. Let her talk irrationally and share the feelings that confuse even her. Don’t try to figure it out or help her justify it, instead breathe and know that this moment is just that, a moment. Tomorrow there will be new ones, some good, some bad but there will always be more.

When you’re standing in the grocery store and your child has decided that now is a great time to throw a massive hissy fit and is laying on the floor screaming, remember that they’ll eventually stop. If you have to pick them up and haul them out to the car while they kick at everything, that’s okay. Take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this battle and it’s not like you can really reason with a 3-year-old anyways. Tomorrows a new day, and hopefully there’ll be less screaming.

When you have to put your children onto the school bus for the first time, you’re going to cry. And you’re going to have a really bad day, and probably a really bad week. But in a flash, their joy will overtake your fears. Their happiness will show you that you’ve done everything right and that they’re okay.  Savour both of those moments … the fear of letting go and the joy in realizing that your babies have become little’s, and they’re amazing.

When you witness events and situations that are too horrific to even comprehend, don’t shut your eyes. Acknowledge them, and then do something to bring about change. Be happy when that story isn’t yours and be grateful for your moments that don’t include this.

And then thankfully, sometimes life brings us flashes of unspeakable joy. Things that are so amazing that words can’t even really describe how great they are. So amazing that we’re scared to close our eyes because they may disappear and be gone forever.

When you’re enjoying a good one, breathe it in and commit it to your memory. But don’t get so caught up in the wonder of it that you get stuck there. Remember it and then get ready for some new and awesome moments that are on their way.

When you see your kids interact with a puppy or a kitten for the first time, it’s worth remembering. The first time you hear your child laugh, or when they bring home their first report card. When you see someone you love achieve something that they’ve been working towards for months, stand up and cheer and remember. When your friend comes through her struggles and ends up on the other side in a much better place, rejoice.

If you can’t change it, acknowledge it, deal with it and then let it go. If you can change it, do that. Figure out why that situation sucked so badly and do something differently to ensure you don’t have to walk that path again. No one is expecting you to be perfect in any given situation so don’t be afraid to call your crappy moments exactly what they are, crap. But remember that after the rain, there is always a rainbow and your joy is coming. It may take awhile but it’s on it’s way.

Moments will always be just that. Moments. They do not need to be the end of your story.

thistooshallpass

Who are you following?

Life, Mom Stuff April 8, 2013 1 Comment

A few weeks ago, someone on Twitter asked the question, “what qualities do you think a leader should have”? And well, I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

I think many of us don’t really think of ourselves as leaders because we’re, “Just Mom’s”. But guess what, that’s so far from the truth. In fact, we’re the first leadership example that our kids will see and frankly, we need to start taking that more seriously.

When you think of a leader in your community, what are the first things you think of? I hope that the words hard-working, diligent, intelligent and gracious come to mind. More often than not though, that’s not what we think of. We usually think things like impersonal, unapproachable, power-hungry, etc. For me personally, I think that’s a shame but quite often, it’s a reality.

We need to do better. We need to recognize the roles that we hold, and honor them. I truly believe that whatever we choose to do, we need to do it to the best of our ability. Our choices should be made with purpose and consideration. Especially when it comes to times and situations where we’re influencing others, such as our children, friends, colleagues, etc.

If you’ve been elected to public office, you need to remember that your job is to represent the people who you serve. You are not in that position to bring glory to yourself or your office. You were elected to that role, take it seriously and do your stinkin’ job.

If you’ve been blessed with children, you need to remember that you are their leader and that those little faces are following your example. C’mon, how many times have we caught ourselves saying the exact same phrases that our Mothers said to us? Our children will become “us”, never forget that. Ever.

If you have a job outside of your home, there is always someone looking to you for help or instruction. These are the moments that make strong leaders, don’t let them slip by. Even if you’re on the bottom of the so-called ” corporate ladder”, there will always be a situation that can be used to encourage, promote or stand-out.

When you’re out with friends or family members, and you see that they’re being treated unjustly or are being the aggressors themselves. Stand up and say, “that’s enough”. We can never become our best if we’re being torn down or tearing others apart. Being a good example is an excellent place for leadership to begin.

We are leaders at work, in playgroups, at church, while we’re driving down the road, or posting on Facebook. Leadership opportunities are around us ALL the time, embrace them and use them to make a change in the world around you.

Being a good leader has nothing to do with being a tyrant or bossing people around. Don’t ever fall into the trap of believing that the louder and more aggressive individual is the one that should be leading the way. That doesn’t work.

Instead, look at leadership as an opportunity to lift up the people around you. Leaders look at the strengths and qualities in the people around them, and encourage them to use them to their best of their abilities. Leaders bear the brunt of responsibility while quite often letting the glory go to someone else. Leaders sometimes say No, but they don’t belittle or demean. Leaders treat people with grace while remaining humble themselves. Being a leader is NEVER easy, but it is always worth it.

I’m in no way saying that we shouldn’t work hard to achieve great things, so please don’t think that. Push forward for promotions at work, enjoy awards that you earn, and be proud of everything good that you do. Just always honor the journey that you took to get to the top, those struggles, trials and people left behind are what helped you get there. As a leader in your field, use these opportunities to show grace and thankfulness.

Leaders challenge people to become better. To step out of their comfort zone. To shine. To grow. Leaders make a difference. They leave a mark. Their absence leaves a hole. They change the world. Leaders are normal, everyday people. Leaders are you and me.

Please don’t EVER think that you are not a Leader, just make sure that the trail you’re blazing is worth following.

leader

My lesson in Humility and hopefully, Forgiveness

Life February 27, 2013 Comments: 5

Today has been an interesting day. It’s Anti-Bullying Day and I wrote a blog about a few of my personal experiences of being bullied. It was tough to write, but it was one of the chapters that makes up my story and has helped me become the person that I am today. As it turns out, my grade 7 story is shared by someone else, and unfortunately, I was on the other side of it.

I received a reply on my blog post, and it absolutely broke my heart. I read it four times, and then replied privately to the writer, and instead of instantly hitting “approve”, I did nothing. I logged into the back of my blog and read some other comments and replied to a few of them. And some way, somehow, I ended up deleting this particular response. My first thought was, “phew, no one needs to see that” but my second thought was, how would I want my words addressed, so here we are.

Thankfully, I still have the original email, so I’m posting a screenshot of it here for you all to read.

sunny

I know that’s really hard to read, so I’m copying and pasting it here.

Very well written! Good for you for standing up against bullying. It is terrible that you were bullied. I do hope you remember that you were also on the other side of the boat in grade 7. I considered not saying anything but since you are calling out people that you know I feel I had to stand up for myself too. Do you recall writing a note with your friend about how you couldn’t believe the new girl wore the same shirt for two days in a row and then proceeded to pass it around the ENTIRE class? I do. That was my first taste of bullying, it knocked the wind of an already awkward shy girl. I put it behind me and realize now it was probably what you had to do to get some revenge for being picked on yourself. Before you call out everyone in your former Junior High school please know that some of us know exactly how you felt.

Now you know why my first instinct at the mistaken delete felt “good”. To say that I feel ashamed of what I’ve done is a gross understatement. I actually still cannot even believe that I did such a thing, and don’t remember doing it at all. But if this person says that I did this, I need to own my part in it.

So “Sunny”, whoever you are, this response is for you.

Number One. Thank-you for writing this reply, I’m sure it was really hard to do and I so appreciate your willingess to put yourself out there.
Number Two. I am so very sorry for hurting you. I honestly can’t remember doing that, but I’m not going to say that I didn’t do it either. I’d love to say that I hope you were right and that I did it to take the attention off myself, but that would be a total cop-out. If I did that, there is no excuse and it shouldn’t have happened.
Please know that if I could go back and redo that moment in time, that I would. When I read your words, I literally felt like throwing up. It makes me sick to learn that I made someone else feel the exact same things that I was feeling. That is so not okay, and I am so sorry. Please forgive me for being a part of something that so obviously affected you deeply but thank-you for giving me the opportunity to set it right.

Today has been a day of humbling for me. As an adult, I conciously make the effort to choose better because I know the pain that bullying and judgement can cause. But today, this one simple act of courage taken by someone from my past has forced me to once again look in the mirror.

Thank-you for not expecting me to be perfect and thank-you for forgiving me in my weakness when I wasn’t yet strong. Your words affected me deeply, and I promise you, they will not be taken for granted.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 385 other followers