B is for Baggage

I was in Grade 7, and was by 13-year-old standards, overweight. Today, I would KILL to be that weight, but I digress. I was walking down the hall at school and had to walk right by a group of grade 9 boys to get to my locker. When I walked by, one of them said words that I’ll never forget. “We should invite her to try out for the high school football team. She’d be a good blocker”. I remember his name, and can still see exactly where I was standing when he said it. Did it really affect me at the time, not really. Do I still carry it around like stinky old baggage? Unfortunately and obviously, that’s a big ol’ yes.

Why do I do this to myself? I KNOW my worth. I KNOW that I’m a good person. I KNOW that I am better than the words spoken over me. I KNOW ALL OF THAT. But, I’m still the girl who was teased in school. The girl who just wasn’t quite good enough because of what I looked like. Why doesn’t that just go away?

You know what it’s like when your head knows something but you don’t quite feel it? When you see pictures of yourself and you can’t believe what you’re seeing when that so isn’t what you see in the mirror? It’s the moment when you know that you’re no longer hungry, but you keep on eating. When you want to just slap yourself upside the head for being such an idiot, and not doing what you already know how to do? When you’re really not happy with how things are, but you’ve gotten so used to them being that way, that you can’t see a way out? These are the things that seem to control me and I’m guessing that they control a lot of you as well. These are the same things that are holding us down and keeping us from where we need to be going. They are the bags that I wish got lost at the airport but instead, I keep bringing them home.

I’m still overweight. I still look different from the majority of the people around me. I STILL get judged based on my looks. I am SO over it. Your words no longer have any power over me. Your stupid comments are solely based on the fact that you’re not intelligent enough to come up with something more witty to say when I walk by. You, my “friend” are the one that has a problem, so suck on it.

Take note people. Today is the day that I start ACCEPTING what I already know is true. I am Beautiful.

And now, we celebrate that with a song. So, who’s joining me in saying Good-Bye to their baggage? Welcome aboard the Beautiful Train…there’s room for everyone.  🙂

 

This post was Day 4 of the 31 Day Summer Blogging Challenge ~ Please read what my BEAUTIFUL friends are writing about too!

Natasha at Natural Urban Mamas     Meaghan at Magz D Life
Aramelle at One Wheeler’s World         Zita at The Dulock Diaries

6 thoughts on “B is for Baggage

  1. shandracarlson August 4, 2012 at 7:27 am Reply

    Oh my friend, “That’s what makes you beautiful!” I love reading what you write, it moves me every time. Part of it may be knowing your pain as your friend, part of it is how my heart swells with pride at the fact that I get to call you friend, and part of it is seeing you come alive in print – an outlet that seems to be taking you down a path of new discoveries. Love it. And you.

  2. Lynn Connelly August 4, 2012 at 7:27 pm Reply

    IHey April!

    I love your blog.

    I was bugged alot in school for the same reasons that you were – being overweight, having fuzzy hair, smelling like a horse (yeah…I deserved that), reading, etc etc.

    Like you, I’m over being upset with what was said to me. I tell my kids about it, and it seems so silly, particularly when I tell them how I was verbally teased and I reacted physcially. I thought my mom was crazy for agreeing with school admin about “escalating the conflict”. Now I know what she meant. I learned self-control, I think, well, maybe, sort of.

    Anyway, the things I deeply regret are those times when I was the bullier. I did get in fights with my friends and make fun of them, and I would like to take back some of the words I said. Then there were the times I did the “group think” thing and excluded people, or didn’t step in to help someone, that I really wish I could change.

    I think being picked on kept me from picking on others, and from having regrets. So maybe, in the long-run, being teased made us better people.

    Anyway, keep on blogging and I’ll keep on reading!

    Lynn

  3. Aramelle {One Wheeler's World} August 5, 2012 at 2:33 am Reply

    Such a powerful message! I believe that you’re definitely right that we all carry baggage with us that we wish we could let go of more easily. I’ve been working on that long, drawn out stage of unpacking for quite some time. With each piece that is let go of, I feel so free, even while knowing that there are still so many more bags to go through. I’m proud of you for making the decision to let go of this piece of your own baggage. 🙂

  4. […] April moves away from negativity and doesn’t pack any baggage. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: