R is for Raising Teenagers

If your children are still wearing diapers, enjoy it. If they are still interested in playing with cars and barbies, buy them more. Do everything in your power to keep them young and cute, cause let me tell you, they get nutty. Like crazy, weirdo hormonal nutty.

Hormones have completely messed my children up. Something happened when they turned 12. They were no longer my cutesy little children, they turned into opinionated and crazy little wanna-be adults.

I have 4 of them in my house, 1 girl and 3 boys. Between the crying, pouting, foot stomping, door slamming and whining, there doesn’t ever seem to be peace. And there most definitely isn’t any quiet either. Teenagers can be very loud and obnoxious.

They fight a lot. They argue back and forth about the dumbest things, and then when they almost come to an agreement, they start fighting again.  The constant one-upmanship and “oh yeah, well I can do this” is an hourly occurrence and it drives me crazy.  

The stench. Do you know how much 3 teenage boys stink? They shower regularly, I make sure of that, but the stink just seems to always be there. Feet, armpits, butt, I don’t know what it is, but it needs to go away.

Girls. One word, Midol.  Get some and keep it in stock. And junk food. That seems to help.  And bra shopping, it’s no fun at all. You either have a girl who wants nothing but the sexiest fanciest bras you’ve ever seen, or the girl who wants nothing like that. Good luck finding something that doesn’t make her look like a hoochie mama but isn’t a tank top either.

Dating … why in the world does a 13 year need a girlfriend? What are they planning on doing? I actually don’t want to know that but seriously, you don’t have a car, and you don’t have a job. How much fun can this “dating” be? Unless of course, facebooking “I love you babe” for 7 hours a day counts as dating, because if it does, the boys in this house are professional “daters”.

They. Never. Stop. Eating.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much they are costing me in granola bars and cookies. 20 teenage sized school lunches per week is equivalent to a car payment. And then they come home and eat another meal before supper. And then again after supper. And they’re all still skinny. How’s that for unfair?

You think adults on Facebook are crazy? Spend some time reading your teenagers Facebook wall and private messages. Oh my Word .. the things they talk about are insane. I’ve seen conversations that have over 200 entries and NOT one single solitary word is uttered.  200 responses and the biggest response is LMFAO. Their photo albums are also great viewing fun. Duckfaces and the exact same pose from different angles seem to be a popular choice amongst the hormonally challenged. And we can’t forget the “casual cleavage” shots … “oh oops, you can see my boobs in that picture, I didn’t mean to do that”.

Clothing. For the amount of time that is spent standing in front of a mirror, you’d think they’d notice how ridiculous they look. Honestly, do pants need to be worn under your butt cheeks? Belts go around your waist, not your wiener. Bra straps belong under your shirt and not proudly displayed like a calling card. Hats aren’t meant to be worn as yarmulkes and for the love of all things holy, take the price tags off of them. Spandex and sweats … what exactly is that about? “Lowriding” sweatpants has got to be one of the dumbest things ever. Ever.

They love you and then they hate you. You’re either the smartest person in the world, or know absolutely nothing about anything and are just mean. What I’ve noticed is that their current level of “love” for me is attached to money they want or something they need me to purchase for them. I’m sure they love me, but they would love me even more if I bought them Kinect for their Xbox. 

But they’re not all bad. They’ve gotten pretty good at chores. I haven’t vaccumed or cleaned a bathroom in years. They pick up dog poop in the back yard and take out the garbage. Their goofiness makes me laugh hysterically. They sing funny songs and dance like fools. They’re slowly turning into some pretty cool people.  I guess I’ll keep them.

This post is Day 20 of the Summer Blog Challenge – 31 posts in 31 Days

Please visit my fellow challenge bloggers and read their stories.

Meaghan at Magz D Life
Tam at Tam I Am
Liam at In The Now
Jessica at2plus2X2

8 thoughts on “R is for Raising Teenagers

  1. Natural Urban Mama August 20, 2012 at 10:54 pm Reply

    This is my favourite of your posts so far! And I don’t even want to think about the stench of 3 boys! That is gonna give me nightmares!!

  2. 2plus2x2 August 20, 2012 at 11:02 pm Reply

    I am giggling away reading this (as my whole house is asleep) and literally all I can think is what product can I buy (& buy stock in) to keep the stench away 🙂
    I will be hugging and loving all my boys tomorrow just a little bit more than usual!!

  3. shandracarlson August 20, 2012 at 11:31 pm Reply

    You crack me up. Awesomeness. Belts go around your waist, not your wiener. Who else can say that and get away with it?! HA!

    • this mom's got something to say ... August 20, 2012 at 11:34 pm Reply

      It’s quite possible that I’ve said that to a child or two as well. I might have also said … your pants are too tight, I can see your peener. Is that bad?

  4. Lynn Connelly August 21, 2012 at 9:42 am Reply

    You’re too funny!

    You are sooo right about the bra shopping. They don’t wear white bras anymore. And they have to come from La Senza, not the Sears catalogue. No one cares anymore if bra straps show. Which is good. In the past, I actually had different bras I wore with my shirts. Not anymore.

    In addition to the lunches, and it’s a real problem because my kids seem to somehow have learned about healthy eating (look at the price of strawberries and grapes compared to a nice bag of chips…especially when any one of them will eat 2 lbs of strawberries in 5 seconds), there’s the cost of feminine products for 4 girls (they won’t use the no name products and claim they’re allergic to them). Plus there’s eyeliner, mascara, nailpolish, etc etc everywhere. The dog has eaten alot of eyeliner. He has a thing about eating pencils…

    They spend more time looking for their cell phones, chargers and ipods than they do using them…well, maybe not! They text each other when they are in the same room.

    Your comment about fighting is interesting. I think they secretly loooove to fight.

    Then there’s the transportation issues.They always want me to drive them somewhere, or pick them up from somewhere.

    Initially I was eagerly anticipating the day when they got their Drivers licenses. But then reality hit. Once they started driving, they wanted my car. Then there’s always the dreaded phone call when you pick up and hear crying. Your heart stops. So you say “Are you alright?” And you think “thank you” when they say, hopefully, “Yes, but your van isn’t”. I’ve had 5 calls like that now. As long as they’re not injured and they haven’t hurt anyone it’s all good. A car can be replaced.

    My advice is to get collision insurance. You will need it.

    Love your blog!

    Lynn

  5. Kat March 4, 2014 at 6:45 am Reply

    Something else that you can’t ever imagine when your kids are small and cute….? The texting! I just had a look at my most recent bill and it was 79 pages long! Thank goodness, I have paperless billing and just look at it on the computer. My 15 year old boy SENT 3658 texts in one month and probably received just as many. My advice to those getting cell phones for their teenagers is to make sure that they have unlimited texting on their plan. It will save so many fights.

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