I’m happy to report that I’m still trucking along on my road to
skinny healthy, and overall I’m doing great. I’m down 12 pounds so far, I’ve managed to take my vitamins everyday, and I’m still riding my stupid exercise bike. I’m drinking water … ALL THE TIME. And for the first time in my life, I’m not thirsty and craving diet pop. Truth be told, I’d still prefer Coke Zero, but instead I’m drowning myself in water. Yeah Me.
I’m obviously still not in love with my new life, but I know that I’m on the right track. I know that the steps that I am taking are steps that I’m going to be able to continue taking for the rest of my life. Fad diets and quick-fix things are no longer an option. This journey is going to take a whole lot longer than I’d like it to, and I’m REALLY trying to not think about it, but it is what it is. I’ve finally accepted that “this diet” isn’t just something that I’m doing, it’s MY forever, and I’m actually okay with it.
I’m not an unhappy and miserable fat person. I’m a very blessed woman and am surrounded by fabulous people. I’ve had horrible things happen to me and I’ve lived through them. My mother is overweight and so was her mother. I’ve got genetics and bad experiences working against me. But I have nothing to blame my size on except myself. I put the food in my mouth, and I sat on the couch. I want to be able to say “I’m fat because ….” but I can’t. It’s time for me and quite possibly you, to own that. Stop letting circumstance determine your future, it hasn’t worked until now, so give it a rest. It’s time to take control of our lives, suck it up, and choose better.
I have bad days and good days, but I don’t let either control me anymore. If I eat something I’m not supposed to, oh well. In fact, instead of tormenting myself with cookies and eating my way around them until I go back and eat 6 of them, I eat one and just be done with it. If I don’t exercise long enough or not at all, I’m not giving up and throwing in the towel, I start again the next day. Seems like a stupid little thing, but let me tell you, THIS IS HUGE. I’m owning where I’m at and where I’m going. It feels good.
My hope for those of you taking this same journey as me, is this. Be kind to yourself. Recognize that an entire lifetime cannot be fixed in a day. When you screw up, accept it, pick yourself up and do not quit. Make one “better” choice everyday. And please for the love of all things holy, stop rewarding yourself with food. You are not a dog.
And now I’m off to drink more water.