Screaming in Silence

Some days I wake up and I’m tired. I’ve had a great sleep and I’m refreshed and ready for the day, but I’m still so very, very tired.

Some days I can’t form a clear thought in my head. I know what I want to say, and I know what I need to do, but I just can’t get my thoughts together.

Some days I catch myself looking at my kids and wondering why in the world I ever thought being a Mom was a good idea.

Some days I try and figure out ways to lock myself out of my house and away from the chaos that seems to thrive inside.

Some days I can’t come up with new answers to the questions that I’ve already answered a million times.

Some days I just want to scream, at the top of my lungs while I jump up and down and stomp my feet. But I never do, I just stand there in silence and leave the screaming inside my head.

Most days I wonder if I’m being the best Mom that I can be? Am I helping my kids become all that they can be? Am I good enough for them?

Being a Mom is tough. It’s also amazing and awesome and wonderful, but it’s still tough.

So often I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and cower from the responsibilities that have been given to me. It is my job to train them in the way that they should go. It is my job to shape their character, teach them morals and give them self-confidence. It is my job to be their example.

I yell at my kids more often than I should. I quite often forget that they’re not adults and put too high of expectations on them. I don’t go to enough of their school and sporting events. I let them eat more junk food than they should. I get mad at them when they don’t do exactly as I say. I give them irrational punishments that I always regret later. I make more mistakes than I ever care to admit.

But then I look into the faces of my babies, and I’m blown away by how incredibly amazing they are. Someway, somehow, I did that. My heart tells me that I’m a good Mom, but my brain quite often tries to convince me otherwise. Why is that?

Why do we as Moms do this to ourselves? Why can’t we just trust our instincts and the decisions that we are making? No one knows you or your family better than YOU, so why isn’t that good enough?

I’m tired. Tired of questioning myself and second guessing everything. I’m tired of fretting and worrying about each and every decision that I make. I’m tired of feeling like there should be more to my journey, and I’m ready to kick all my “tireds” to the curb.

Let’s make a pact. You and me and all the Moms around us. Let’s agree to be true to ourselves first. Let’s honour our families and the choices that we’ve made. Let’s own our mistakes and do better next time. Let’s love ourselves the same way we love our children. Let’s never let doubt convince us that we are worth less than we really are. Let’s trust ourselves. Let’s agree to give up on being perfect and instead work on being content.

So from this moment forward, the ground on which I stand is solid. I KNOW who I am. I am confident and am trusting in all that I know to be true.  I am an awesome Mom. A great friend. An incredible wife and a good daughter. That is more than enough for me.

And if one day I need to scream, out loud. That’s okay too.

keep-calm-youre-a-good-mom

This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below. 

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

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