Mirror, Mirror

Crooked Tooth.

Double Chin.

Messy Hair.

Freckles.

Huge Feet.

Too Fat.

These are the things that I see when I look in the mirror. These are the things that the world sees when they look at me. These are the things that I hate about myself, and sometimes they’re all that I see. But these things are not Me. Or are they?

My crooked tooth has been there my entire life. It is the one tooth that messes up my perfectly straight teeth. It has driven me crazy. FOREVER. But maybe it’s what gives me my super amazing singing voice, and helps me to bellow like an angel. Totally grasping here, obviously.

My Double Chin. Well, that seems to come and go. But it’s most definitely been there more often than it hasn’t. And now as I’m seeing less and less of it every day, it’s freaking me out a bit. That extra chin has always been a part of me and now it’s leaving. Who knew that a big chunk of skin would be a security blanket of sorts? I am so weird.

My messy hair. If you know me at all, you know that I’m not exactly a “doer of the hair”. More often than not I leave the house without even brushing my hair. I have NEVER curled my hair, and my only requirements when I go for my yearly haircut is that I don’t have to do anything with it when they’re done. My hair does exactly what it wants … sometimes good, sometimes bad. A beauty queen, I am not but I don’t spend more than $80/year on my “upkeep”, which helps me afford a housekeeper. I call that a win.

Freckles. Or age spots. Or dots. Or whatever the heck they are, I am covered in them. Face, arms, legs, feet, etc. What is that about? When I was a teen, I had the perfect Cindy Crawford beauty mark, but then it moved near my ear, and 10,000 of it’s friends showed up. I’m now a speckly dot-to-dot, which I’m hoping will keep my mind active as I age. I’ll be my own “activity” at the seniors home.

Huge Feet. I can’t remember my feet ever being smaller than a size 9. Never. Now they’re a size 11/12. I have skis at the ends of my legs but they’ve served me well. I’ve managed to pretty much stand upright without any issues my whole life. My big honking feet have been what’s supported this big girl all these years.

Too Fat. Well, I cannot even come up with a good excuse for that one. I ate too much of the wrong things and now I’m fat. Period. But all of that “extra” has protected me when I fell, it’s kept me alive when we were broke, it keeps me warm year round, so we can keep the heat turned down low. It is my superpower suit, fluffy and fabulous but super nonetheless.

All of the imperfect things that stare at me everyday in the mirror are actually the things that make me the person that I am. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without these flaws, and for that I’m thankful. My flaws have made me stronger, more loving, more kind, and more understanding. They’ve helped me see the world through the eyes of someone who lives under constant judgement and ridicule.

As I sit and ponder my life, I now recognize that the things I’ve never really liked about myself are the very things that set me free. I’m fat, but I’m beautiful. I’ve got crooked teeth but a great smile. I’ve got whacked out hair, but it’s super thick and easy to leave alone. My feet are huge but they’re cute. My freckles make my face interesting, and not like anyone else. My double chin … well, I’m not sure that there’s anything good about that.

Point is, instead of focusing on what makes me unhappy about myself, I’m focusing on how those things make me amazing.

What do you see in the mirror? Look past that first glance, and look deeper. Imagine that you’re looking into the eyes of your child … what do you see there? Do you see any imperfections or do you see them through the eyes of love? We have no problem doing that for the people that we care about, it’s time we start doing it for ourselves.

I am the example for my children. They need to see a Mom that loves herself, and isn’t controlled by her imperfections. They love me no matter how good or how bad I look. They think I’m hilarious and fun to be with. They think I’m perfect exactly how I am. Today, I’m choosing to believe them.

I am not just a reflection in the mirror and neither are you. Our story cannot be seen in one glance, or described by a single sentence. So instead of trusting a mirror, trust the voice in your heart.

That my friends, is all that matters.

Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

9 thoughts on “Mirror, Mirror

  1. Sheree October 16, 2013 at 11:30 pm Reply

    I really like this one April!!! You’re very open and honest and I love that about you! Keep writing and I will keep reading…your words are inspiring! 😀

  2. oawritingspoemspaintings October 16, 2013 at 11:48 pm Reply

    What a beautiful & profound post! Beauty is indeed a mindset, it is how you feel & see yourself that counts… the reflection you have in front of you is determined by the opinion looking, it has nothing to do with symmetry . I have seen people you would’ve never considered the classical charming or beautiful that were alive & shining & therefore beautiful beyond a doubt because their soul radiated with beauty.
    Dr. Wayne Dyer said it best in his quote ” what is the difference between a weed & a flower? An opinion!”
    Opinion is what determines beauty, change it & you have a totally different category!
    Thanks for sharing those beautiful thoughts with us 🙂

  3. Kat October 17, 2013 at 6:57 am Reply

    I think that sometimes we forget to look at ourselves in a positive light. My neice reminded me of that recently when, after hugging me, she said “I like hugging you, you’re so soft”. She was not pointing out my excess weight to be insulting; she genuinely meant that I’m a pleasure to hug. The kid left me smiling.

  4. bellafloresa October 23, 2013 at 6:25 pm Reply

    This post is so inspiring and so true, beauty comes from within! You are a great role model for all women out there 🙂 I really am in love with your blog!! Please, if you can, check out my Facebook page for women https://www.facebook.com/motivationtokeepinshape , I only recently started it and am hoping that we can all motivate each other to reach our goals 🙂 Hope you can check out my blog as well
    Talia xx

  5. this mom's got something to say ... January 19, 2015 at 10:56 am Reply

    Reblogged this on This Moms Got Something to Say and commented:

    It’s been one of those weeks. Sharing as reminder to myself and you.

  6. Tracey Loeppky Nielsen January 19, 2015 at 11:07 am Reply

    Thanks for sharing again. When I’m with you I feel so comfortable about myself and know that you aren’t judging me for all of my ‘faults’. I see a friend. A BEAUTIFUL friend. xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: