Tag Archives: facebook

The Internet and the Kids that use it.

I love the interwebz. A lot. So much so that if I forget my cellphone or ipad when I go out, I start having heart palpitation’s. It has become my connection to the world, my friends and unlimited information. Google has “diagnosed” many of my illnesses, Youtube & Pinterest have inspired me and taught me about things I’ve never even heard of. Facebook has connected me to my past and Twitter has given me the gift of many new & amazing friendships. I love the Internet.

In saying all that, I also recognize how dangerous this big open virtual playground can be. It is filled with pictures, people, ideas and opportunities that I don’t consider healthy or safe. It has allowed us to become over-informed, over-stimulated and much more bold than we would ever be in “real life”. The screen has become something that we can hide behind and become whoever we want to be. It’s easier to be a total jerk, to bully, to tease and to just be downright annoying. It brings the whole world into the privacy of our own homes and leaves us alone with nothing but our conscience to judge or challenge our choices.

As an adult, I know how hard it can be to always keep myself in check. To guard what I post or how I respond as words don’t always relay exactly what I’m trying to say. I’ve learned to question things that I see and read. I understand that the Internets idea of reality, isn’t actually so. I’m an adult and it’s tough … imagine what it’s like to be a child or a teenager? With one click of a button, you get to see things that you’ve never seen or even heard of before.

As parents, we need to keep them safe. Not blinded without access but safe.

As my kids have grown, I’ve found lots of little ways to stay on top of their internet usage and to help them make good choices. Lots of people have commented that I’m too tough, or that I do too much “spy work” and don’t give them enough privacy. Frankly, I don’t care. I’ve got 18 years to help them become the best that they can be, and I take that job very seriously. My job is to guide them, protect them, and help them make choices that they’re not yet strong enough to make. Based on that principle, I give you this.

My Guide to Monitoring Kids on the Internet. (Super basic, super easy stuff that works).

Number One. Do NOT be so naïve in thinking that you’ll just keep your kids off the internet and block them from everything. You can probably do that to some level, but guaranteed they’re sneaking around behind your back. AND you’re not monitoring it AT ALL. Teachers also use the internet & Facebook for a lot of stuff now. Your kids are GOING to have to access it.

* Even if you’ve allowed an account somewhere, watch it. Have you noticed that it’s suddenly gone silent or the posts are few & far between. Odds are really good your kid has another account. Find it. (They’re favourite thing to do is to reverse their names, use a middle name or something really stupid. Usually, they keep at least one of their real names in their alter-ego)

Number Two. Help your kids set up the accounts that they want to have, especially Facebook. Set their privacy settings so they’re not sharing everything, with everyone, everywhere. Teach them to not list their school, address, phone number, etc. Talk about why it’s not safe, how the internet is forever, how people lie, etc. They’re going to laugh at you, but keep saying it.

* Check these settings and what is displayed on their pages on a regular basis. Facebook quite often asks for updates and they just fill them out without thinking. Also, update the privacy & restrictions in their devices and then password it. That’s the simplest way to stop explicit apps & information from being downloaded & shared. For my younger kids, I actually remove Safari/Explorer from their devices completely.

Number Three. Passwords. Know them, so you’re able to enter their account at any time and see everything. They may have blocked you from seeing some stuff, so this is the simplest way to see what you’re missing and/or to remove any inappropriate stuff.

* At our house, if I pick up your electronics or go to log into something and I don’t know the password. The item belongs to me for a week. (Not just apps, but passwords for the actual electronics as well). If I have no access, neither will they.

Number Four. Check stored photos, videos, and search requests. Lots of people don’t check there & it’s so important to do. These items can be very telling and/or very shocking. It’s also a great way to know what you need to talk to your kids about.

*If I find something inappropriate, I take a screen shot, and then delete it. I then show them what I’ve found, and we have a serious conversation about it. Full access is then completely revoked for a week, and then earned back slowly. You get wifi back, but not Facebook etc.

Number Five. Go through their Friends list, and challenge your kids on how they know the people that they’re “friends” with. If they can’t tell you, delete them. Kids will befriend pretty much anyone that asks to be their friend, and once that connection is made, strangers have access to all their info.

*If you see really suspicious or odd names, look further. I’ve found many conversations from “hot chicks” that are very exploratory & inappropriate. There are predators out there, so be aware.

Number Six. Make up a fake account with the picture of a cute boy/girl and befriend your kids.  🙂  You’ll be surprised at how quickly they accept your friend request, and by being a “friend” that they consider a peer, you’ll be able to monitor things from another viewpoint.

* Yes, this is pretty sneaky and spy-ish. And yes, I have 2 separate alter-egos.  LOL.

Number Seven. Instagram. Youtube. Textplus. Skype. Are not innocent apps …. watch them. Closely. We don’t allow Skype on any of our kids personal electronics at all as it’s all too easy to participate in a “free show”.  😉

* Check their phones/ipads/laptops, etc. and see what apps they are using. Ensure that you have passwords and that you personally follow all of their accounts. Stuff may still happen, but you’ll be aware of it and will be able to deal with it.

Number Eight. Nobody goes to bed with their electronics. Pick a time for them to be brought down to the kitchen or your bedroom. Nothing good happens after dark … especially when you’re 14 & alone.

*When they complain that they won’t be able to wake up in the morning, hand them an alarm clock. For super saavy people, you can shut down their IP addresses at a certain time so all internet access is limited.

Number Nine. Snapchat. Kik. Ask FM. Delete them, and when they re-add them, delete them again. These apps are scary, and are SUPER hard to monitor. The potential for abuse, harassment and sexting is HUGE with these ones. They are going to scream and complain about this, but don’t give in. If they need to send pictures, they can do it a million other ways.

*I’ve changed the settings in my kids phones/ipads so that they’re able to download apps and/or updates, but they cannot delete them. This allows them to receive updated versions of games, etc without me having to log-in to do that. But it doesn’t allow them to delete the evidence of using something I’d disapprove of. This REALLY makes them think because they know I’ll catch them.  🙂

Read this: 4 Apps Teens Love that Parents need to Monitor

And this: Why you should delete Snapchat

Number Ten. Set up a support system with your kids friends parents. If you see something inappropriate within their group, say something. I know that I would want someone to tell me if they knew something about my kids. Be open if someone approaches you, and don’t instantly shut them down. It may turn out to be nothing but it could be huge, check it out.

*I saw a group of 16 year old kids plan out an entire bush party on Facebook. They posted the address, directions, amount owing for the 2 kegs they had already purchased, etc. This was 100+ underage kids drinking & driving in our neighbourhoods. I called the police.

MOST IMPORTANTLY. Your kids are on the internet. They’re using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc, etc. FIGURE OUT HOW THEY WORK…..you need to be one step ahead of them at all times. You don’t need to become a social media genius, but you do need to learn about privacy settings, tagging, abbreviations, etc. Thankfully, our kids think we’re dumb, so with even a little bit of work, you can stay well-informed.

There’s also some great little apps that we can install on our electronics to track and control what/when our kids do online. Use these to help you be aware of what your kids are up to. They’re a great help and back-up for when you forget. Don’t put all of your trust in them, and stay diligent yourself, but use these.

Apple Users can try:  Parent Kit

Android Users can try: Funamo

Some cellphone companies also have some monitoring services as well. Ask your provider if they’re able to actually send you your kids texting conversations. If you want to know where your kids are at all the time, turn on their locator device, subscribe to a tracker via your cellphone company or try this. Be sure to not forget about your home computer, especially if it’s in a dark corner of your basement. Again, check your “internet options” and update your privacy settings but you can also use this awesome program for another layer of security.

I’m not saying that you need to do all of this or even any of it. What I am asking you to do is to be aware. Keep your eyes open, listen to your kids, monitor the time spent on their devices and don’t be afraid to say No. They do not need full access to everything at all times, no matter if they yell that you’re mean and the only one that doesn’t let them use certain things. You need to be the little voice in their head teaching them right from wrong until their voice gets strong enough to speak alone. Say No, but then talk. Explain why you’re restricting things, why it’s good for them, and why you’re not changing your mind. These opportunities are some of the best & most memorable teachers, don’t let them slip by.

I so dearly love the Internet but I love my Kids more. Even if it makes me the worst mother in the world.

Who are you anyways?

I am a TOTAL fan of Social Media. Huge fan. Big honking fan actually and there is a distinct possibility that I have a small addiction. Just a slight one though as I could quit it anytime I wanted.  🙂  But anyways …..

I’ve made some amazing connections and “met” some really cool people. Many of them are exactly who they claim to be. They are people with real concerns and really great ideas. They are funny. They are caring and they are a supportive ear. I like those kind of people. A lot.

And then there are the other ones. People that claim to be one thing, but in reality are absolutely nothing like that. Nothing. They jump up to reprimand and correct people and how they’re doing things, while they do the exact same things at home. They sometimes act sweet and innocent, and then you later learn that they’ve been kicked out of every playgroup in the city. Or you’ve been having a nice conversation with them on Twitter and then you log into Facebook and meet their alter ego, Crazy Face. It’s all so very interesting and more than a little bit frustrating.

I know how quickly things can get carried away when you’re not face to face with someone. It’s so easy to get caught up in the anonymity that the internet gives us and just speak without thinking. Our walls all come down and we find a voice that we didn’t even know we had.  Unfortunately, common sense quite often gets lost behind that voice and nuttiness seems to come flying out of our mouths. There’s also that whole “feelings get lost in the translation” thing that doesn’t always help our stories out. And no matter how many smiley face emoticons we add to try and make our point, our true intention doesn’t always come across.

This isn’t just a Social Media phenomenon, we see it all over the place. People calling themselves one thing and then “living” something completely different. People that are put into a “role” in their lives either in their workplace or their community. And instead of doing what they should be, they end up using their position for something completely different.  I really don’t care who you are or what you claim to be, but please “BE” what you’re claiming.

If you’re going to be the mayor of your community, be the best stinking mayor that you can be. Stand up and fight for your constituents. Be an example of what a true leader can be. Don’t wear that title as a crown of popularity and ignore the little people. Don’t pretend to be a mayor … be the leader you were elected to be.

If you’re going to call yourself a breastfeeding advocate, by all means, pull out all the stops and do your community proud. But don’t spend time tearing non-breastfeeders down. Be an example and let them see the beauty of it, and not just a militant ‘knows I’m right” person.

If you’re a teacher, recognize your role in the lives of the children you’ve been given to teach. Remember that they are watching you and waiting for your guidance. The words you use, and the actions you portray will leave lasting marks on their lives. Help them to fall in love with learning, and ensure they leave you in a better place than when they arrived at the beginning of the school year.

If you’re a Mom, just be a Mom. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to love your babies and be the best you that you can be. Don’t pretend to have it all together when inside you’re falling apart. Be real and honest about what’s going on in your world. The sooner you can do that, the sooner you’ll find real help and support and feel “normal”.

I’m sure that my words right now may be coming across as judgy or harsh, and that so isn’t my intention. I’m not coming from a place of judgement but from a place of wanting people to just be true to themselves. We spend so much time pretending to be something we aren’t just to impress others. In doing that, we devalue ourselves and all that we have to offer.

Why choose to be a second rate version of someone else, when you could be the best YOU that you could be?

drsuess

This post is part of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. If you want to follow along with all of us “challengers”, click on their links below.  Please go and give them a read … writing every day for 30 days is TOUGH to do.

Liam ~ Natasha ~ Zita ~ MagzD ~ Peter ~ Christine ~ Cliff ~ Hethr ~ Tracy

Bravery via Keyboard

I’m not exactly sure how many more times I can watch my friends and fellow business owners get ripped apart via Social Media, without deleting everyone and moving into a bubble, so instead I’m writing this.

And now I take a deep breath and go ….

I cannot believe how many people with justified complaints and concerns think that those things give them the right to become abusive and downright ignorant. Yes, you’ve been wronged or don’t understand why a decision was made, and that’s okay. And yes, you’ve got every right to ask about it and ask for clarification. 

In theory, many of these “situations” will turn out to just be a misunderstanding but quite often, rules or pricing or ideas were put in place for a reason. They aren’t going to change because you’re screaming at the top of your lungs or throwing ignorant comments around like confetti. And maybe, just maybe, you could be wrong. Get a grip people, life isn’t always fair. Plain and simple.

So if you’re one of those people that is using Facebook, Twitter, Yelp or even Google as a disguise to say WHATEVER you want, get over yourself. Hiding behind a computer screen and using a keyboard as a weapon is so not okay. Stop doing it.

When you’re sitting there all riled up, angry and ready to start spewing out nasty words, think. Would you be brave enough to say this to the persons face? If not, why are you saying it?

If you feel that it’s a great place to address concerns with a business, think again. If you’ve got serious issues with something or someone, email them or call them. Making hateful posts and comments are so not fair and in all honesty, very childish.

It’s very hard to get your point across in words and it’s so easy to take things out of context. Your simple complaint can spin wildly out of control, and cause huge problems for someone who made an innocent mistake.

We have bad days, we make mistakes. We say things out of anger or out of sheer desperation. We scream when we want to cry. We walk away when we need to apologize. We ALL do it. Pause a second, take a breath and give people the opportunity to apologize and/or rectify the situation. 

Make a choice to do the right thing, and for pete’s sake, send an email or give a phone call as opposed to spewing your hatred all over Social Media. Odds are good that you’re not going to end up accomplishing what you set out to do. Your “enemy” will appear justified and you will look like a fool. Stand up for yourself, but do that like an adult and not a pubescent teenager.

None of us are perfect …. quit acting like you are. This isn’t about judgement, this is about common sense. Be good to each other. Please.

rudeness

Want to stop bullying? Then stop it.

I’ve written a couple of different blog posts about bullying … one explaining my take on the situation and another one showing how I’ve tried to deal with it in the past. In both of them I talked a lot about building our kids up so that bullies don’t have to power to take them down. I still wholeheartedly believe in that but I think it’s time that we as a society stand up and take responsibility for our part in perpetuating this insanity. Children look to us to lead them and guide them. They copy what we do. We are their guides and leaders. We need to take that more seriously. Now.

I’m thankful that people are finally really acknowledging bullying and the horrific ramifications that it brings about. What makes me sick is that it took the death of a young girl to make people take notice. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first death as a result of bullying. We should’ve taken better notice a long, long time ago. My hope is that these same people who have jumped on the “bullying is bad bandwagon” will actually do something to make a change and not just use this event as a way to make themselves look righteous. Please let that be what happens.

If you want bullying to stop, we as a society need to stop bullying. Stop telling and laughing at fat jokes. Quit pointing out “gingers” and making ignorant comments about them. Stop commenting on buck teeth, freckles, greasy hair, pimples, etc, etc. Quit pointing out the faults of everyone around you and/or laughing along when someone makes ignorant remarks.  Next time you get the urge to call someone fat or ugly, picture your daughters face on their shoulders. Not so appealing now is it? Grow Up.

Don’t post on Facebook how upset you are by bullying and how awful it is, and then go and post ignorant “jokes” or pictures. Don’t say that bullying is terrible and then start all of your sentences with “I don’t mean to be rude”, or “no offense”.  Don’t shove people out of your way in the grocery store, don’t butt in line, don’t belittle people in lower positions than you. Be respectful. Be polite. Be a decent human being.

When your children make ignorant comments about peers or people in their world. Correct them. When they tell inappropriate jokes. Correct them. When they comment that someone is poor or stupid or ugly. Correct them. Please don’t agree or laugh with them. You are their example. When the opportunity to teach your children arises, use it. Talk about how we’re all different and that it’s okay. Discuss how some people look different because they can’t help it. Teach them about money, and how not every has as much or has more than your family. Explain to them why they’re being corrected. They’ll get it sooner than you think, and their bad habits will be replaced with kind and compassionate ones.

Really teach your kids their worth. No one should ever think that they need to lift their shirt and bare their breasts to make someone like them. Teach them that they don’t need the approval of others to be valuable. Show them that they don’t need to be “sexy” to get attention. Teach them that the number of friends they have on Facebook or the numbers of TBH’s they participate in, is in no way reflective of their value. Kids need to be built up and reminded DAILY of how awesome they are. If they are getting approval and encouragement at home, they’re not going to seek it out everywhere they go. Kids still want to fit in and belong, that’s never going to change. But if they feel secure and “know” their worth, it’ll be a lot tougher for someone else to take advantage of them or beat them down. Period.

Teach your children that they don’t need to share every little piece of themselves with others. Facebook , Instagram and Twitter are not diaries. Pictures and words are forever, help them understand that. Talk to them about online predators, and REALLY talk to them. If you’re going to allow your children to use social media, take the time to figure out how it works. Learn what texting shortcuts mean. Never assume that your child is smart enough to know when they’re being lied to or scammed. And on the flip-side, don’t assume that your child would never behave inappropriately online. Kids that are normally shy or quiet will quite often open-up online because it’s so anonymous. They can hide behind a fake persona and become anything their minds can imagine.

Consider setting up a “fake account” with a picture of someone cute. Pretend to attend another local school, pick common “likes” to your kids – food, sports teams, video games. Then send your child a friend request and see what happens. If they don’t initially accept it, try again. Add a note to your request saying something like, “we used to play ball together” or whatever.  Once they befriend you, starting asking questions. Will they give you pictures when asked for them? Will they tell you where they go to school, share their phone number, address, etc, etc? If you invite them to an awesome party, will they agree to go? Maybe your kids will surprise you and will never accept your request but if they do, use this to show them just how easy it was to get them talking. Predators do this EVERY DAY.

We need to change what is normal. And what is expected. Children aren’t sexy. Physical appearance doesn’t determine your worth. Money does not equal power. Domestic Violence is not cool and should not be ignored. Movie stars, pop icons and their lifestyles are not reality. Please figure out a way to help your children see that and believe it. We need to set higher standards for our children and ourselves. Stop accepting wrong behaviour as normal.

Frankly, we as adults also need to recognize the power that we have. Our words bite just as much as those of a teenager. We are just older and “smarter” and a little bit braver. We somehow find ways to justify our behaviour because we “know” that we’re right. We’re educated, churched and have lots of life experience. Quit mistaking those things as “rights to abuse or bully”.

Politics, religion, ideals and opinions will always be fodder for bashing. Instead of joining in on the bandwagon of crazy behaviour, listen. Hear what people have to say, and then agree or disagree. If you have a concern or you don’t understand something, ask about it. So many of our “fights” are a result of mis-information or blatant gossip. Before you make a judgement, make sure you have all the facts. Agree or Not, doesn’t really matter. Your response is what’s important. Hatred should never be an option.

Bullying is a horrible, horrible thing but it’s just a symptom of something bigger. As we all move forward, working towards change, please think of this one simple word. Respect. Respect for yourself, and respect for the people around you. If we could all just focus on that, the world would be a much happier and safer place.