Tag Archives: fat

Week 13 and the Happiest Turtle Ever

Week 13 was a good week for me. I’m not sure why, but it was just a “good feeling” week. It was also a week of a lot of thinking and pondering and debating with myself.

As someone that’s overweight and on an never-ending diet, I’m the member of a lot of weight loss groups. I read a lot of posts, see a lot of new and awesome products and look at a lot of before and after photos. I’ve also been on more diets and followed more plans than I can ever even begin to write down. I’ve lost 100+ pounds on three different occasions. I am a professional dieter that has mastered the art of a quick fix and the ability to lose weight quickly. Problem is, I suck at changing myself and getting better. I can lose it almost as fast as I can gain it back. I’m so good at it that I should actually figure out how to add that skill to my resume. ¬†ūüôā

Reality is, you don’t end up 100 lbs over weight by just overeating. It is so much bigger than that. It’s unhealthy choices, unhealthy habits and more often than not, the putting of oneself on the back burner. It’s about people choosing to put others first while they languish in the background. It’s about people who have lost hope and don’t feel like they can ever change. It’s about accepting where you’re at and either loving life or completely giving up. It’s about all or none of these things. Don’t ever think that losing 100 lbs is all about calories, because it isn’t. Trust me, my calorie intake is the least of my worries.

For me, I’ve always been floundering in the middle. I’ve never hated myself, never been depressed about my weight, never felt lonely or unlovable, never felt ugly or gross. I’ve always been very okay with who I am, despite of how I looked. But in saying that, I think that I turned my weight into a non-issue, which has both good and bad sides. I should have cared, not because of how I looked, but because I needed to think more about myself. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I deserved better than what I was accepting, and that is where I went wrong. I became okay with just being okay.

When I restarted this journey for what I’m calling “the first all-in¬†time I’m on a diet”, my first instinct was to find the quickest and easiest way to lose weight. My first thought was that I needed to lose weight quickly so I’d feel better sooner. It still wasn’t about pounds, but it was about getting out of pain and discomfort as soon as possible. My head was still blaming everything on my weight, as opposed to my choices and/or my circumstances. BUT, I remembered my past diets and my crazy weight losing and gaining abilities and stopped myself from going in that direction.

I CANNOT LOSE WEIGHT AT WARP SPEED. I need to focus on me, my horrible bad habits, my historically bad choices and my lackadaisical outlook on life. My ability to be content in the midst of chaos and pain isn’t healthy. My willingness to give up all I am so that others may have it is an awesome thing, in theory. I’m just now understanding that I need to hang onto some of that for myself. I need time and a quick fix or a super fast loss will do nothing but change what I see in the mirror. Thankfully, I see that now.

When I started on the Ideal Protein journey, I knew that I had found something that worked for me. It’s forcing me to pay attention to myself and to actually be aware of not only what I’m eating, but how I’m feeling. The weekly check-in’s are keeping me accountable and keeping me out of my own head. Cause let me tell you, every time I see a before and after pic of someone that’s lost 25 lbs in 3 weeks, my brain wants to jump off my slow moving boat and get on that speedy one. This “diet” choice is also the first time, in all my years of dieting, that I haven’t felt like I’m on a diet. I’m tasting food that I’ve never even tried before. I’m feeling satiated after eating a big, healthy salad which still totally weirds me out by the way. My cravings for sugary goodness and midnight nachos have pretty much hit the road. And I feel good, my head gets a little bit more clear everyday and my body seems to be much less angry at me. This journey has truly been a gift to me and my family.

The run away from Fat April is not a race but a nice slow leisurely jog, and frankly, I’ve never liked sprinting. I’m one fine and happy fat Turtle.

Week 13 brought me this.

  • A massive revelation.
  • A new appreciation for my journey.
  • My worst bowling score ever. I SUCK at bowling.
  • Results. 33 lbs down, and 6 inches have disappeared from my waist.

 

  • CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN? ¬†As always, remember that if you mention that you read my blog when you head into¬†¬†The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they‚Äôll take 50% off of your registration costs.¬†Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I‚Äôll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

Week 12 and Redefining the F-Word

Since I started this journey, I’ve been using the word Fat a lot to describe myself and the skin that I’m in. For as many times as I’ve said it, I’ve received just as many messages from friends telling me to stop calling myself that. They’ve all said that they don’t see me that way, that I’m being too hard on myself and that I should just love myself. Well, here’s my take on that.

Fat is no different than chubby or fluffy or plump or whatever other word people use when they’re trying to not use the word Fat. They all mean the same thing, some just sound prettier. I guess that I’ve heard all of these names for so many years now that I don’t really have any feelings about them and for that I’m thankful. Somewhere down the line, those negative and horrible words lost their power and became exactly what they are, just words.

The word Fat actually doesn’t define me. It never has and it never will. To me, it’s a descriptor, that’s it. Unless, you judge me based solely on my weight, then we’ve got a problem. You may remember this rant from a couple of years ago when I said something about the “look at the fat lady” jerky people. The difference lies in the delivery.¬†The word Fat isn’t the issue, it’s the sentiment behind it. Talk to me and not about me, and you’ll quickly realize that fat isn’t who I am.

SO to my friends and the world in general, I ask this of you. When you look at me, it’s okay to see me as someone that is fat. But I hope you also see me and every other overweight person in the world as much more than that. Fat doesn’t even begin to describe a person’s character, their value or their story. Please don’t ever forget that and please for the love of all things, stop giving crap words so much power. We are all the same, just packaged differently.

My reality is this:¬†I am fat. One day, I won’t be. I’m also tall, have really big feet, brown and reddish hair that is almost never brushed, and blue-ish green-ish eyes. I’m also gorgeous and hilarious, and pretty close to perfect. ūüôā Fat may be the most obvious thing that you see but let me tell you, that’s only the surface. My insides are much bigger and much more fabulous than you can even begin to grasp.

What you see as negative, I see as me. And I like me just fine.

What did week 12 bring me? 

A little bit more self-awareness and a deeper understanding of myself.

I ate asparagus and I didn’t die.

A waist-line. Who knew?

More inches lost, more pounds gone. A little bit less fat.

 

 

 

 

  • CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN? ¬†As always, remember that if you mention that you read my blog when you head into¬†¬†The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they‚Äôll take 50% off of your registration costs.¬†Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

 

Winning at Week One

Well, my first week of Ideal Protein life has come to a close.

It went a whole lot better than I thought it would, a lot better. It’s amazing how much easier it is to be on a diet, without actually caring about how much weight you lose. There’s a weird freedom in that, a nice breathable kind of freedom.

When I look back on the week, the hardest thing about it was all the eating. For the first time, in a really long time, I made myself conscious of the choices I was making. I was eating on a schedule. I was satisfied when I was done and I felt hungry at the appropriate times. I wasn’t being controlled by food, I was controlling it. And frankly, it was kind of cool.

Day 3 & Day 4 were the days of massive headache. Apparently the body gets riled up and angry for a bit when you take away its crappy fuel source, and it starts burning its own fat stores. It wasn’t pretty, but some Advil, some salt and some electrolyte drinks¬†later… I survived.

Day 5, I woke up and the inflammation in my hands was noticeably decreased. For anyone that knows me, they know that my hands hurt constantly, they swell, and I can’t overuse them or they just don’t work. I never would’ve thought that 5 days of nothing but good clean food, and no sugar would make such a difference in that particular area. Didn’t expect it, but I sure as heck appreciate it.

Day 6. I felt awake. Not the “I feel so tired” but now am awake kind of awake, but the kind where a fog has lifted and I can see.

Day 7. ¬†Well it was just another day, and how awesome is that? I wasn’t focused on anything negative. It was just me, my veggies, my protein packs and it was a Monday. Who ever feels good on a Monday?

I really, truly didn’t feel like I was missing out on something this week. I didn’t feel like my life was ending because I couldn’t have an Iced Capp. I didn’t feel like I couldn’t do this. I felt like I was finally on my way to feeling better.

And now as I sit down to write about it, I’m actually having a really hard time finding the words to describe this past week, as my brain & my heart seem to have shifted. Shifted into a place or an attitude or a thought process that it’s never experienced before. I guess that drop into Rock Bottom turned something on. Or off.¬†Whatever it did, I like it.

I’m super excited to see what the rest of 2017 brings. I’ve taken before pictures, weights and measurements and will share them some day. But not today.

For today, I give you this. My results from Week One. I’ve got less overall pain, less inflammation, a much brighter outlook, and I weigh 12.2 lbs less. I call that a good start to a good thing.

Week One. Win.

  • I’m SO thankful for my coach, Suhas and his team at The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. They’re very encouraging, very supportive and have lots of great ideas and advice to share. They’ve also graciously made an offer for all of my friends that want to join me in this adventure. If you let them know that you read this blog and want to join my Dream Team of Losers¬†(yes, I’ve given my little group a name), they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. I’d LOVE to have some company and a listening ear for the not so good days that I’m sure will eventually show up. If you want more info, send me a message. Or¬†reach out to the Coach here.

 

 

Just say No to Tough-Love

Every day when you go online, you can expect to see a blog post or YouTube video or a status that is hacking on a specific group of people. Fat people, gay people, ugly people, old people, etc. It’s ongoing and constant, and¬†pretty much always guaranteed to be there.

Similarly, you can also expect to find just as many posts and video’s reprimanding the people who wrote them and/or shared those posts¬†followed closely by the¬†encouraging posts that are meant to uplift and encourage the people who have been beaten down. They are everywhere.

Fact is, I’ve written many of them myself, and more often than not, they’ve been about Fat Shaming and/or judging people based on their looks alone¬†and then justifying it with “love”. I’ve talked about Mom’s needing encouragement and not judgement, and about shutting-up without knowing all the information or owning your own crap.¬†¬†Frankly, I’m tired of writing them. Not because I think they’re dumb posts, but because they even have to be written.

If you don’t like what I look like because I’m fat, don’t look at me. You also don’t need to share or make vulgar or vile videos telling me and everyone else how disgusting and horrible fat people are. And please, for the love of all things, don’t justify those videos and statements by concluding them with: “I only say this because I love you and I want you to live longer”. You can’t share a video filled with ignorant and horrible statements and then say, “excuse the language, but this is how I feel. I love you”.

The second you called me, or shared something by someone calling me fat & disgusting, you lost me.

The reality is, these “fat shaming” crap videos are based SOLELY on what I or the other million overweight people in this world, LOOK LIKE. The videos and rants are 100% inspired by what I look like and NOT who I am. These people don’t know me, they’ve never spoken to me or taken the time to get to know me. They don’t know my history, what I’ve been through and what I’m struggling with. They don’t know if I’m on medications, how many babies I’ve had, how much weight I’ve already lost, or what my personal goals and dreams are even about.¬†They ONLY “know” what I look like.¬†That seems to be the point that everyone misses, these posts & diatribes¬†have nothing to do with how much you love me and/or worry about me, they’re¬†about¬†my appearance.

Am I saying that being overweight is healthier than being a “normal” weight, nope, I’m not saying that. Am I saying that you have no idea what my normal, or anyone¬†else’s is¬†for¬†that matter, Yes, I am. Am I saying that I don’t have room for improvement and could make healthier choices for myself, no I’m not. Am I saying that ignorance veiled as motivation is wrong, I most certainly am.

But what I’m mostly saying is that you don’t need to be a jerk when sharing your opinion. We all have things we need to fix in our lives, in our bodies, in our hearts and in our brains. Sometimes these hurdles are massive and will take every single bit of strength that we possess, and no amount of tough love will push the majority of¬†us over those hurdles. Fact is, they make many of us want to run in the opposite direction of what you’re “selling”.

Will mean words, quotes and Old Testament bible verses make someone less gay? Will beauty tips, jokes and rude memes make your¬†perceived ugly person more beautiful in your eyes? Will stats about diabetes and heart disease, or pictures of people in bikinis and funny nicknames make me want to run to the gym? Will your strong personal opinions and preferences build up the people around you or push them farther into the walls that they’ve built up to protect them from all of the world’s nonsense? Think about those things before you take the time to “love someone better”.

MY weight doesn’t change YOUR quality of life. How someone LOOKS doesn’t change the number of days that you have on this earth. If your neighbour is gay, it doesn’t make YOUR faith in God or church any less personal. I am responsible for every choice that I make, and at some point, I will have to answer for them, whether it’s in a doctor’s office or at the Pearly Gates. But please recognize that those choices are MINE, and that your opinion of me¬†and the rooftops that you scream them off will only affect your “end”, not mine.

We shouldn’t have to write posts to lift each other up because the world has judged us¬†so harshly. Be nice, be kind and be an example. We are adults, not small children and need to remember to honour the differences that make us individuals. Live YOUR life to the best of your ability, and let me worry about the story I’m¬†writing for myself. Send love, good wishes, and happy, healthy thoughts, but please keep the “judge-y love” packages to yourself.

Let love & grace be your witness, cause those are the things I want my life to be about.

Skinny is not a personality trait, it’s just packaging.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be encouraged Fatty. Bah.

I was just tagged in another one of those, supposed to be inspirational and kind posts written by a skinny person, giving me permission to be okay with being fat.

It’s not¬†too different from the¬†post written by the¬†person working out in the gym that says, I see you and all your fatness working out, and you’re so awesome. Keep it up.

Which is quite similar to the posts telling me not to let my weight get me down, and that I’ve got such a pretty face that my size doesn’t really matter. (I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been told this one).

Sigh. I hate those posts. I hate those comments. And this is why.

They’re stupid and they shouldn’t need to even be written.

People’s sizes and/or appearance shouldn’t¬†be¬†the¬†fodder for your next¬†“make yourself feel better” post.

Sure, I suppose the thought behind them is to be one of encouragement and acceptance, but that’s not what they’re saying at all. They’re saying … I see you as a fat person, first and foremost. The FIRST thing you saw when you looked at your subject matter was that they were Fat. And that ONE FACTOR alone inspired you to write a whole commentary about them. That is what makes me mad and sad and annoyed. Fat isn’t all that I am.

Yes, you spotted me in a gym, but I’m pretty sure there are lots of other people there too. Do you make comments about the super skinny girl who can do nothing but ride bikes because she¬†doesn’t have¬†a lot of muscle mass. Do you feel inspired¬†to write about¬†the guy that is “normal” sized but just came to the gym for the first time in his life? Probably not because frankly, their “stories” aren’t as obvious and easy to pick out.

Why can’t you just look around the room and think, Wow, there’s a lot of people here today working on getting healthy¬†and then go about your own workout without waxing poetic?

I don’t go to the hairdresser and comment about the lady with the horribly whacked out hair with more grey roots than blonde flowing locks. I’m not all “I see you with the sad and desperate hair coming to the salon with it all hidden in a ball cap. It’s okay, I understand. I’m happy that you’re stepping up to fix that mess”.

I don’t go for a pedicure and then come home and write a post about the lady with the horrible cracked heels, and hairy toes. “I see you and your slovenly feet, all tired and dirty and forlorn. I know how embarrassed you must’ve been to leave your house this morning to come here. But thank-you for being brave enough to come”.

Yes, those things are stupid, but there’s no difference.

Look at me as a person, not as a shape or a colour, but as a person. If, by some miracle I ever get up and go to the gym, don’t look at me as the fat chick. Look at me as one of your peers that is taking the same steps as you.

Period.

 crime

The Road to Skinny …. Following the Rules

Well, yesterday was my bi-weekly weigh-in and the results were pretty good.

I spent the last 2 weeks actually following all of my coaches orders. I ate, and I ate, and I ate. More food than I’ve eaten in a really long time. I took my vitamins, drank copious amounts of water and did exactly what I was supposed to do.

Overall, I felt great, outside of this evil sinus infection that just. won’t. die. I slept well, still didn’t convince myself to exercise, but I made it through another 2 weeks. Yeah Me!

I lost another 9lb’s and 6 more inches. And even better news, my body fat percentage went down which means I’m not losing lean mass, which means I’m doing the right thing for my body.

This year WILL be the final chapter in my Fat April story. I know it, I feel it and I love it.

Last week, I also joined a great little group on Facebook called Mission Slim Possible. It’s a bunch of people wanting to achieve some big goals this year –¬†health & exercise wise. They’re all there to support and encourage and lift each other up. They’re going to inspire me to exercise … hasn’t happened yet, but it will. LOL. I did manage to download a 7 minute exercise app though, so that counts for something right?? (Yes, I’m that lazy that I count that action as exercise).

I’m grateful for their honest and open hearts, and their daily words of encouragement. Our stories are all very different but our goals are the same. We all want more. We all want better. We all want change.

Wherever you are in your “get skinny/healthy” journey, find yourself a support system somewhere. If it can’t be your spouse, find a good friend. If your friends are as unmotivated as you are, find a group of workout buddies. Just find something or someone to help you get through this adventure. If you’re in the same boat as me, the journey will be long and tough, and not one you can do on your own.

Thankfully, I’m blessed with a good husband, great friends and an awesome coach. They are the voices that push me forward and remind me of my goals. They are my gifts in this world.

Who’s your helper? Go find one. Now.

See you in 2 weeks.

help

IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you.

The Road to Skinny … Keep on Keeping On

One year has come and gone, and I’m half way to my goal. I hoped to be much farther along, but half way is what I achieved, and well, I’m okay with that.

This has been my year for self–discovery and I think if I would’ve lost more, faster, I wouldn’t have figured some things out. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to taking care of myself, and even though I always knew that, I don’t think I truly got it. Now I do.

By nature, I put others before myself. In all things, and in all ways. I don’t see that changing, but I now see that I have to find some time for me in there somewhere. I know that If I’m going to be of any use to anyone, I need to be okay. Physically, mentally, spiritually and health wise … I have to claim these things for myself and stop ignoring their importance. I’m such a twit sometimes.

I spend a tonne of time thinking about food, but very little time eating it. I had no idea how little I actually ate in a day, until I had to keep track of it. It’s such a¬†weird thing to wrap my head around as here I was a fat girl basically living in a state of malnutrition. So crazy. Now, I struggle with the same thing but in a different way. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I can’t live on nachos and cupcakes, so I just kind of don’t really care about food. I still hate 94% of all veggies, so getting good healthy food into my body is fairly challenging some days.

I know what I need to do to be healthy, but my brain doesn’t always seem to want to agree. I know what I have to eat, the supplements I need to take, and the exercise that I must do but I still fight it. It’s so stupid, but everyday I have to MAKE myself choose better.

I’m lazy. Not when it comes to life, or business, or helping others, but when it comes to me. I have zero desire to exercise or get off the couch. Zero desire. It’s almost scary.

I’m ready to change things. I always thought I was, but looking back, I really wasn’t. I’m there now, and excited that this lifelong journey will be coming to an end. 40 years of being overweight, and not all that healthy are coming to an end. 2013 was the year I lost 70lbs, 2014 is going to be the year that “healthy” becomes my normal.

I’m officially back on Ideal Protein, and actually listening to my coaches. (I never quit the program, I just wasn’t following all the rules. As in wasn’t eating nearly enough, not taking my vitamins, etc., etc.). I still absolutely love the program and know that it’s the right thing for me, so I’m excited to continue on it.

I’m getting weighed in and measured every 2 weeks, and will report back here to all of you. Not just about pounds and inches, but how I’m feeling, how my brain is doing and the goals for the next couple of weeks.¬†Hopefully, that little bit of accountability and effort will keep me focused on where I’m going.¬†Thanks in advance for being a part of my “team”.

Now to stop being my own stumbling block, and to get this DONE.

Shut-up head, you’re no longer driving this bus.

closerthanyesterday

IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you.