Tag Archives: healthy

The Week 16 Woosh

It’s been 4 months since I started this new way of eating and living, and if I’m being completely honest, it’s been the longest and shortest 16 weeks of my life. I realize that makes zero sense, but let me explain.

When I started this, all I wanted was to just feel better. To have less pain and more good days than bad days. Less headaches, less shaking and a much clearer head. Losing weight was just going to be a side effect of all the new healthy choices that I was making. Getting skinny was never my goal.

But then it got hard, really hard.

I was feeling better, which I was very thankful for. But the “side effects” that I was trying desperately not to focus on were becoming my measurement of success. These things were tangible. I could look in a mirror and see a difference. I could stand on the scale and watch the numbers go down. I could buy smaller clothes. I could pick up something off the floor without feeling like my body was in the way. These things suddenly mean something to me. My weight has become my measure of success.

In saying that though, I still don’t care what I weigh. Not the number anyway, well I think I don’t care. I like that the numbers are getting smaller, but I still have no idea what the number ever is. My coach always says Good Job, and I always have to ask if I lost. I really couldn’t tell you what I weigh. My weightloss has now become my measure of success, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I really don’t want to focus on my weight because the rest of the world already does enough of that for me, but my brain is feeling something different from what my heart wants. My head is in such a weird place as I try to work through all of these changes. I’ve never spent this much time trying to focus on myself and my needs. I’ve never really paid all that much attention to what I ate. Or what I did or didn’t do physically. Now I’ve got a coach that wants to know what and when I’m eating, and an Apple Watch that is constantly beeping at me telling me to stand up and move, or to Breathe and focus. This is, without question, the strangest place I’ve ever been.

Strange but good, and incredibly difficult all at the same time.

I’m having a hard time eating all the healthy food that I’m supposed to because it seems like it takes forever to chew it all. I used to have no problem eating 3 times the same amount in crappy food, and now when I look at my plate filled with goodness, I feel overwhelmed. Why do nachos and cactus cut fries just slide down your throat so easily anyways? I used to be able to drink 4 or 5 refills of Diet Coke when I’d go out for dinner, and now I can hardly get through 2 glasses of ice water. I’m not avoiding the good food, it just seems like it’s so much harder to eat. Maybe this is what satiated and full actually feels like. Hhhmmm….weird.

In spite of all these crazy thoughts, these 16 weeks have flown right by. I absolutely love Ideal Protein and the support that I’m getting, and I’m looking forward to all that comes in the next part of my journey.

I’m hopeful that the next 16 weeks will be where my “choices” become habits and that I won’t have to think about them quite so hard. That I will finally be able to shop in ANY store and not just the plus-size ones. That I will start to appreciate cooking a whole lot more. And that I will finally be able to stop thinking of myself as being on a diet.

I’m looking forward to just being.

What did Week 16 bring me?

  • A week in Banff with the Husband AND I stayed on plan. (I ignored the call of the Beaver Tail)
  • A new point of view in my brain
  • A new appreciation for cauliflower and how easily it can be turned into something super tasty.
  • I ate ALL my food this week, and I lost 6 more pounds. Guess eating does effect your weight. LOL.

 

 

  • CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN?  As always, remember that if you mention that you read my blog when you head into  The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

Weeks 14 and 15, and Getting in my Own Way

The past 2 weeks have really sucked on the eating healthy to get better train. In fact, it’s pretty much been the exact opposite of that. It’s been two weeks of woe is me, I feel like crap, I look like crap and I really, really want to eat crap. Its been a two-week blip on what seems like a really, really long trip.

I’m still amazed at how easy it is for me to fall right back into old patterns. It seems to always happen the second I lose focus. Or the second I get so busy that I forget to think. Or when I decide that celery is pretty much the most awful thing and that nachos would be so much better. It’s so easy to forget.

The last month of school is absolute insanity for me as I’m in this constant state of running, and assessments and placement meetings and all sorts of craziness. It basically consumes me and in that consumption, I get stuck. I don’t eat, I live on ice water and adrenaline and hope for the best. Thankfully, this time I’ve had some healthy shakes and foods to keep me one step above starving, but as usual, I’ve put my very real needs on the back burner and just existed.

How in the world does taking the time to eat become something that you just stop doing? Is making a salad or chewing on some raw vegetables really all that big of a deal? I’ve spent the last 30 years living on toast for 2 meals a day, and now that I need to make better choices and eat healthier, it feels like food prep take FOREVER. It’s like torture. Who knew that washing lettuce and putting it in a bag would be the thing that put me over the edge?

I don’t have time to prepare food. I don’t have time to plan. I don’t have time to find the time. Now that I’m forcing myself to look at my life and my choices, I’m starting to see how much control food has had in my life. How it has always been this thing that was always there, contributing to how I looked and how I felt. It has been like it’s own living and breathing presence in my life and then I had children. At that point, my relationship with food changed. It kind of become a nothing, a “nothing” that consisted of eating whatever, whenever I wanted. Or eating nothing at all. My relationship with food has always been about extremes, and then adding the busyness of being a Mom and loving someone more than I loved myself, that extreme went out of control.

There’s a reason why women get heavier once they have children, they shift the focus from themselves and put all of it on their children. It’s what Mama’s do. It’s what Mama’s are supposed to. Food becomes something that needs to be eaten quickly and on the run. Or it’s the thing that comforts you at midnight when you’ve finally collapsed on the couch. It’s fast food, quick fixes and “whatever’s easy”. You make good healthy choices for your kids but not for yourself, because the focus has changed. How in the world does a Mom shift that focus back to herself? How do you find the balance in being a great Mom, and a great advocate for yourself? HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I just can’t figure it out. I can’t actually find the words or the willpower or the whatever it is that I’m missing to make myself a priority. I’ve heard the whole “put on your own oxygen mask before you help someone else” spiel many times. And the “what good are you to anyone else if you’re not healthy” statements more times than I can count. I’ve heard them, I agree with them, but I just cannot implement them. I just can’t find the balance.

As I work through this journey of losing myself and finding me, this is the thing that continues to trip me up. It is this, not Iced Capps and cupcakes, it’s ME. And a whole lot of excuses as to why I can’t choose better and just shut-up and do better. I know what I have to do. I know that the task truly isn’t that difficult. I know that I can find the time. I know that I’m the thing that’s holding me back. Now to figure out how to get out of my own way, and to stay out if forever.

I will not be defeated by busyness and a pile of vegetables. I am so much stronger than a head of lettuce.

What did these 2 weeks bring me?

A weight gain of 3 lbs.

More inches lost and more clothes to get rid of.

The hope that I have finally found the strength to put me first.

 

 

  • I’m super thankful for my coach right now and the Ideal Protein products as they are helping me through these tough weeks, and helping me find my way back. (And for those of you wondering, I am still eating, I’m just not eating enough).               CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN?  As always, remember that if you that you read my blog when you head into  The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

 

 

 

Week 13 and the Happiest Turtle Ever

Week 13 was a good week for me. I’m not sure why, but it was just a “good feeling” week. It was also a week of a lot of thinking and pondering and debating with myself.

As someone that’s overweight and on an never-ending diet, I’m the member of a lot of weight loss groups. I read a lot of posts, see a lot of new and awesome products and look at a lot of before and after photos. I’ve also been on more diets and followed more plans than I can ever even begin to write down. I’ve lost 100+ pounds on three different occasions. I am a professional dieter that has mastered the art of a quick fix and the ability to lose weight quickly. Problem is, I suck at changing myself and getting better. I can lose it almost as fast as I can gain it back. I’m so good at it that I should actually figure out how to add that skill to my resume.  🙂

Reality is, you don’t end up 100 lbs over weight by just overeating. It is so much bigger than that. It’s unhealthy choices, unhealthy habits and more often than not, the putting of oneself on the back burner. It’s about people choosing to put others first while they languish in the background. It’s about people who have lost hope and don’t feel like they can ever change. It’s about accepting where you’re at and either loving life or completely giving up. It’s about all or none of these things. Don’t ever think that losing 100 lbs is all about calories, because it isn’t. Trust me, my calorie intake is the least of my worries.

For me, I’ve always been floundering in the middle. I’ve never hated myself, never been depressed about my weight, never felt lonely or unlovable, never felt ugly or gross. I’ve always been very okay with who I am, despite of how I looked. But in saying that, I think that I turned my weight into a non-issue, which has both good and bad sides. I should have cared, not because of how I looked, but because I needed to think more about myself. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I deserved better than what I was accepting, and that is where I went wrong. I became okay with just being okay.

When I restarted this journey for what I’m calling “the first all-in time I’m on a diet”, my first instinct was to find the quickest and easiest way to lose weight. My first thought was that I needed to lose weight quickly so I’d feel better sooner. It still wasn’t about pounds, but it was about getting out of pain and discomfort as soon as possible. My head was still blaming everything on my weight, as opposed to my choices and/or my circumstances. BUT, I remembered my past diets and my crazy weight losing and gaining abilities and stopped myself from going in that direction.

I CANNOT LOSE WEIGHT AT WARP SPEED. I need to focus on me, my horrible bad habits, my historically bad choices and my lackadaisical outlook on life. My ability to be content in the midst of chaos and pain isn’t healthy. My willingness to give up all I am so that others may have it is an awesome thing, in theory. I’m just now understanding that I need to hang onto some of that for myself. I need time and a quick fix or a super fast loss will do nothing but change what I see in the mirror. Thankfully, I see that now.

When I started on the Ideal Protein journey, I knew that I had found something that worked for me. It’s forcing me to pay attention to myself and to actually be aware of not only what I’m eating, but how I’m feeling. The weekly check-in’s are keeping me accountable and keeping me out of my own head. Cause let me tell you, every time I see a before and after pic of someone that’s lost 25 lbs in 3 weeks, my brain wants to jump off my slow moving boat and get on that speedy one. This “diet” choice is also the first time, in all my years of dieting, that I haven’t felt like I’m on a diet. I’m tasting food that I’ve never even tried before. I’m feeling satiated after eating a big, healthy salad which still totally weirds me out by the way. My cravings for sugary goodness and midnight nachos have pretty much hit the road. And I feel good, my head gets a little bit more clear everyday and my body seems to be much less angry at me. This journey has truly been a gift to me and my family.

The run away from Fat April is not a race but a nice slow leisurely jog, and frankly, I’ve never liked sprinting. I’m one fine and happy fat Turtle.

Week 13 brought me this.

  • A massive revelation.
  • A new appreciation for my journey.
  • My worst bowling score ever. I SUCK at bowling.
  • Results. 33 lbs down, and 6 inches have disappeared from my waist.

 

  • CONSIDERING JOINING ME ON IDEAL PROTEIN?  As always, remember that if you mention that you read my blog when you head into  The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park, they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. Great savings!! If you want more info, send me a message and I’ll help you on your journey. Or you can reach out to the Coach here.

Week Eight and Losing Faith

This has been a really discouraging week for me.

I allowed myself to focus on the numbers on the scale as opposed to measuring my success by the way I felt. I’ve never really cared about what I weighed or what I looked like, but now all of the sudden, I was focusing on that. The size of my jeans is effecting the state of mind.

When I look at how far I need to go to get to a healthy weight, it’s terrifying, and frankly, how in the heck is this going to even happen? And how long will it actually take? And am I totally setting myself to fail at this for the gazillionith time? Will my outside ever match my inside? Can I do this?

In my head, I know that the changes and the improvements that I’m feeling are massive, but why are they falling to the wayside? Why am I thinking about number of pounds lost as opposed to how little pain I am in now? How have I forgotten about my how much clearer my head is and how much better I feel in general? How does something that I’ve never really cared all that much about have this much power in my head? Why does this need to happen?

It took me almost 45 years to get to the place I am, and even though part of me knows that my world can’t change overnight, I still want that. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see that I am done. I want to be able to eat whatever I want, wear whatever I want and not have to constantly think about all of the ways I’ve screwed up or how I’ve failed. I want to just be a normal person that no one looks at and judges because of the size I am or the foods that I’m putting in my mouth. I want to not be where I am physically. I want to think about something else.

This is a horrible place to be. A stinking, rotten, mind messing up, place to be.

At least it was. Thankfully, I managed to wake up and after about 5 days of nonsense, I remembered what I’m really working towards. It’s not about a size. It’s not about a reflection in a mirror. And it most certainly isn’t about a number on a scale.

It’s about life. And not living the one that I’ve been trapped in for the last few years. It’s about fixing something that I’ve broken. And obviously, I’ve got to start working on my brain and reminding it of what this is truly about.

It’s not about skinny. It’s about losing myself and finding me. In spite of the numbers.

Week Eight gave me this:

5 days of mental torment and disbelief.

A reminder of why I’m doing this and where I’m going.

And leggings. I wore leggings in public, which I’m still not convinced is the right choice for a fat girl, but it was either that or the super large lumberjack pants. No one laughed at me, so I’m calling that a win.

No weigh-in this week though as I picked up the plague from one of the 7, and am languishing on the couch with throat drops and Advil which frankly, I’m looking at as a gift. This was not the week to step on a scale.

As I move forward, I acknowledge that I don’t have to be strong and perfect all the time. Instead, I need to just be okay. And happy. And kind to myself. The rest of it is just cake. Or at least one day, it will be.  🙂

 

 

  • WANT TO JOIN ME? I have an excellent coach & team The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. They’re very encouraging, very supportive and have lots of great ideas and advice to share, and I could use a weight loss buddy. They’ve graciously made an offer for all of my friends that want to join me in this adventure. If you let them know that you read this blog and want to join my Dream Team of Losers (yes, I’ve given my little group a name), they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. If you want more info, send me a message. Or reach out to the Coach here.

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Week Seven. I’m such a Loser.

At the end of Week Seven, I felt really good. Like really good. Which is still such a weird and foreign feeling for me. Not being in constant pain and feeling like I’m on death’s door is something that I’m REALLY not missing. I’m getting my energy back and I no longer need to sit and rest throughout the day. Momming has become so much easier, and man alive, I am so very thankful for that. Seven children is a lot of work and I finally feel like I’m waking up enough to do all that I need to do.

I’m slowly making new habits, and getting into a nice rhythm. I’ve changed up the way I eat some things, and moved some foods around, and it works so much better. I love that Ideal Protein makes it easy for me to do that, and that I don’t EVER feel like I’m starving. I feel more or less satisfied and always full.

I won’t lie and say that I’m not missing a few of the things that I’ve given up because that would be a downright lie. I want an Iced Capp and some buttered toast more than anything else in the world. And maybe some cupcake frosting. And come on Starbucks, did you really have to release a limited edition Unicorn Frappucino right now? Really? Apparently I have a carb problem.:)

I really want these things, but frankly, I’ve eaten enough of all of them over the past many years, so I can wait another 9 months. I’d love to say that I could just eat one and be done with it, but I can’t. I’m fairly convinced that I’m like an addict, a sugary-carby addict and I have to say No. My mind and my body need me to continue on this healthier thinking and living path. I need to do this for me. And maybe, just maybe in 9 months, I won’t want them quite so badly. Crossing my fingers anyways.

Week Seven and here’s my updated results. To date, I’ve lost:

20.6 lbs & 10″

My BMI has gone done 3 points, my body fat has gone down 2%, and my blood pressure has dropped more than 10 points. My blood sugars are stable, and my inflammation levels continue to come down.

I’ve lost more weight before, but this time, my body is changing way quicker. I look and feel so much different. It’s kinda cool.

So without question, I’m doing great. I’m not just losing weight but I’m getting better. I need to be better more than I need to be skinny, but I am enjoying the losing weight “side effect”. LOL.

Now to buy more pants and underwear, cause baggy underwear is NOT a good thing.

 

 

  • JOIN ME.  As always, I’m SO thankful for my coach, Suhas and his team at The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. They’re very encouraging, very supportive and have lots of great ideas and advice to share. They’ve also graciously made an offer for all of my friends that want to join me in this adventure. If you let them know that you read this blog and want to join my Dream Team of Losers (yes, I’ve given my little group a name), they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. I’d LOVE to have some company and a listening ear for the not so good days that I’m sure will eventually show up. If you want more info, send me a message. Or reach out to the Coach here.

Week Four and Lessons Learned

Today wrapped up Week 4 in my new and exciting journey. It wasn’t a super great week for me, and it didn’t end as I hoped it would. But it did end, and it’s reminded me of exactly why I started this journey in the first place.

It’s Me. I fail miserably at taking care of myself, and I’ve got to figure out a way to change that. Change my brain. Change the way that I think about myself. Change from being number 42 on the importance scale to at least a 2 or 3.

I’m still totally enjoying Ideal Protein and the program. I love that it’s simple and straightforward, and that I don’t have to be some Masterchef to follow the plan closely. I haven’t cheated. I’m not craving sugar like a maniac. I’m not eating just to eat. I’m doing good for the most part.

Where I’m failing, is that I’m falling back into a pattern of not eating. I get busy, and distracted and I just don’t eat. 2 days this week, I literally ate nothing until 6:30pm, and even then, it wasn’t enough. I set alarms in my phone, and then I shut them off because I’m busy. My husband calls me and asks me if I’ve eaten, and I usually have to answer no. It’s just the weirdest thing, why don’t I eat?

Is it because I’m a Mom? That I currently have 7 kids and have so many other things to think about? Is it because I can’t have Iced Capp’s & Nachos, so I choose nothing instead? Is it because I just suck at caring about myself? Is it any of these reasons or is it a combination of all them? I really don’t know, but I really want to fix it.

How does someone switch from putting others first to putting themselves first? How exactly does one do that?

For now, I will set alarms and I will listen to them. I will try and be more conscious of what I’m doing or not doing. I will try and wake up believing that I’m not Mom first and that it’s okay for my kids to come second sometimes. That’s where I’m going to start.

To wrap up Week Four:

I gained 1 pound. But more importantly, I saw what not eating actually does to my body.

My constant pain is almost not constant. I still tire quickly, and if I overuse my muscles, it takes them a bit to recover. But I’m not in pain all the time and that’s so stinking awesome.

In one month: I lost a total of 14 pounds, 6.5 inches, a whole lotta pain, my sugar cravings, and the fear of being able to do something this difficult.

And inside that loss, I found the beginning of something amazing. I found out things about myself that I need to change, and things that I want to let go of completely. I found out that even though I live an amazing life, I deserve more and so does my family. That content isn’t good enough anymore.

Guess it’s time to put on my own life preserver before trying to save anyone else.

 

 

  • JOIN ME.  I’m SO thankful for my coach, Suhas and his team at The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. They’re very encouraging, very supportive and have lots of great ideas and advice to share. They’ve also graciously made an offer for all of my friends that want to join me in this adventure. If you let them know that you read this blog and want to join my Dream Team of Losers (yes, I’ve given my little group a name), they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. I’d LOVE to have some company and a listening ear for the not so good days that I’m sure will eventually show up. If you want more info, send me a message. Or reach out to the Coach here.

Thanks Coach.

Today I had one of those moments that confirmed that I was on this journey with the right people, and I wanted to share.

I still spend a lot of time at the doctors office or in an emergency room as I’m still recovering from my 2 years of awful. I get checked out, prodded, poked, weighed and measured more times in one month than most people do in a year. Because of all those situations, I get told, A LOT, that I need to lose weight because that will miraculously make everything better. FYI. That’s a bunch of hooey & is nothing more than a canned response that is given to anyone that’s even slightly overweight. Which is wrong. (And yes I have the CT scans, Ultrasounds, MRI’s, and transfusion cards to dispute that “fat girl” diagnosis). But, I digress …..

Today, I had one of my regular appointments and I was actually congratulated by my doctor for making my decision to start Ideal Protein. He let me know that my Coach had sent him my lab work, along with a list of things that he was watching while I was on the program. He was impressed that he had been included, and looked forward to helping me on this journey, alongside my coach. He was excited that I was eating lots of good healthy food, and that my nutrition needs were being met and probably exceeded. He was happy to know that I wasn’t trying to starve myself and wasn’t just living on shakes. And most of all, he was pleased that I was being monitored and guided on this journey.

For me, it was nice being at a doctor’s appointment and not being made to feel fat and stupid as this isn’t about me losing weight. This is about me finding life and finding the right people to help me achieve just that. Life.

Thanks Coach for being on my team. And for taking me and my well being so seriously. I am grateful.

*I totally know that this sounds like an advertisement, but it isn’t. I am truly thankful to have a health professional that actually gives a rip about me, and if you knew what these last 2 years have done to me, you’d get it.  🙂  My Coach is Suhas who works alongside his team at The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. If you want to join me, you can reach out to the Coach here.