Tag Archives: peace

The Road to Skinny … Or Not.

The beginning of a new year brings about the desire for change. It pushes us to think about what we want that is better than what we currently have. It seems to make our eyes focus on all that is wrong with us, and not necessarily all that’s right. It’s the time of year that people seem to think and/or hope will set off this huge firecracker under their butts and in their minds that will cause them to jump up and change. It’s a fresh start and a new beginning.

For me, the new year forces me to focus on my never-ending trek towards “skinny”.  It’s this thing that follows me everywhere I go. It’s the thing I cannot seem to conquer. It’s quite literally the very large elephant in the room that just won’t die, no matter how hard I try. Or maybe not.

If I were to be totally honest, I don’t think I’ve ever cared enough to really want to change it. I’ve got a couple of months worth of willpower, and about 47 seconds of desire. I’ve got all the knowledge in the world, and an incredible team of people willing to support and help me, but somehow I’m also good with where I’m at. I’ve got a massive desire to shop in any store, and not just the stupid chubby girl shops, but for some reason, I’m okay with not trying all that hard to change.

I’m Fat and Happy, and I don’t think this is how I’m supposed to feel.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be 6 sizes smaller. I’d like to be able to walk around the block without wanting to die. I like the idea of wearing shorts when it’s hot – no I NEVER wear shorts. I’d like to have more energy. I’d like my knees to not hurt. I’d love to sit outside in the summer and not want to die because I’m SO hot, which is a problem because as you know, I don’t wear shorts and fat people have a whole lotta extra insulation. I’d like to not have people give me the classic fat girl compliment, “You’ve got such a pretty face”, to me. Ever. Again. I’d like to be able to touch my toes, for no other reason to say that I can. I want to just take up less space.

So … where does that leave me? The Happy Fat Girl that want’s to be skinny, but doesn’t really care.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how I truly feel about this subject, or if I’ll ever fully figure it out but I believe that it’s leading me somewhere. In some weirdo, round-a-bout backwards way, it’s taking me to what I really want and need. I want to be more focused. More centered and just more Me. I’m happy, but I want another level of happy. I want to be overflowing with Joy, so much so that it oozes from me and into the world around me. Skinny won’t accomplish that …. but I can.

2015 is going to be the Year of April. I’m going to write. I’m going to write about anything and everything and just write because I can. I’m going to spend time making my new blog fun and super successful. I’m going to move into a house that is exactly what our family needs. I’m going to fall back into mad love with my husband. I’m going to finally put all of my anxiety’s behind me, and step forward without worry about stupid things that I can not control. I’m going to focus on getting healthy and not care at all about skinny. Maybe a smaller size will follow, but whatever, I don’t care.

I’m excited about what’s to come and even more excited to figure out that my “Road to Skinny” is officially on a detour to somewhere totally different.

This road is officially leading to me.

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High-Fives & Hallelujahs

Last year I wrote a post acknowledging some of the really important people in my life. People that have loved me, challenged me and helped me grow. People that I didn’t know a short time ago, but couldn’t imagine not having in my life now. When I read my last years list, I am happy to report that I still feel the exact same way about those people and things and better yet, I’ve been blessed enough this year to be able to do a whole new list. (Kristi, Brandon & Deborah, Gryphon Pub Folks, Etc).

I have to start by thanking a few folks again though, so please be patient with me. My Husband Kevin. He’s an amazing husband, an excellent father, and the best friend I could ever wish for. I love you Wiener. My children, who at this moment, number 5. Thank-you for allowing me to be your voice of reason and guide your days. Thank-you for forgiving me in my weakness & loving me all the same. You are why I’m alive, never forget that.  My two besties, Shandra & Tracy. They’re my sounding boards and the voices that I sometimes just need to hear. I’m so blessed to be able to call them friends. My extended family. They are all still very loud, and many, and all over the place, but they’re mine and are always there when I need them.

Now, enough with the mush and on to my list of “High-Fives & Hallelujahs”.

High-Five: a celebratory or mutually congratulatory gesture between two persons performed by each slapping the other’s raised right hand.

My Twittery Ladies – Meaghan, Sarah, Jen, Stacy, Lisa, Janice & Rosanna to name just a few. (There are MANY of you, so don’t be offended if you’re not listed here). These people make me think, cry, shoot water out my nose from laughing so hard and just make my days complete. Some of them I still haven’t met IRL, but I love them like sisters. Looking forward to another year of coconut oil and giggles.

My #shpk Club – These friends were found this year on Twitter, only to later discover that we all live in the same town and share many of the same friends. I SO wish I would’ve met them years ago, and look forward to tonnes of fun that is yet to come.  Bobbi, Lori, Tracy, Carla, Monique, Tanya, Erin, Narissa, Tracy, Darci and all of the rest of you that I KNOW I’m forgetting. #shpk FTW

Luke Fevin & Kathleen Smith – These two people have opened my eyes to many things this year. We are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum on many levels, but we appreciate each other all the same. They have helped me become a better person and to see people and life through another set of eyes. They’ve challenged me to really live what I preach and have not made me feel less than for not sharing their viewpoints. We are never going to agree on a few things but I am thankful that they’ve helped me see outside of my little bubble.

My Coaches – Kerri & Josline. These ladies convinced me to give Ideal Protein a try, and it’s changing my life. I’m feeling better than I have in a very long time. I’m “losing” myself and growing all at the same time. It’s an amazing and awesome feeling, and I look forward to the rest of this journey.

My Customers – Thanks to all of you that continually support me in my businesses and ventures. Because of you, I’m able to stay home and raise my family and be their Mom. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.

My Social Workers & Support Worker – As many of you know, this past year was tough for us in the fostering world. We had a child move on after being with us for almost 5 years, and it was a hard transition. In fact, we’re still dealing with it. We’ve had 4 more placements since that time and are still waiting for a comfy routine to start again, BUT we have an amazing support team in our workers. Thank-you for always listening to us, and really hearing where we’re at. Thank-you for always accepting my brutal honesty and respecting our role as parents. We wouldn’t have survived this year without you.

Hallelujah: used to express praise, joy, or thanks

I also won a few things this year, so thanks to Jawdrop Coolers for the trip to Vegas, The Shopping Channel for the Vitamix, Urban Infant’s Mama’s Choice awards for having “one of the top 2 online kids stores in the Edmonton area”, and most recently Linetech Ziplines for the zip lining package for me and 7 friends. (aaaahhhh….scary).  It’s been a very “winny” year for me and it was all kicked off by a contest entering frenzy by my friend Jen Banks. I better thank her too, and I’m sorry you didn’t win anything. 🙂

This was also a really awesome year for me, my writing and my little blog. I’ve been given the opportunity to be “Ask April” for Edmonton’s Child magazine. I was honoured to be one of Fierce Magazines Fierce & Fascinating People. I was one of the “How does she do it Mom’s” at Urban Infant magazine. One of my posts was Freshly Pressed. I’m now a guest contributor on a few different websites, and I write anonymously for a few others. I’m getting to do things that I absolutely love.

I say none of this to brag, but to honour all of my gifts because that truly is what they are.  I am still blown away that my rambling is actually making a difference in people’s lives. Thank-you for letting me into your worlds’, and allowing me to be a part of some amazing things. Please know that I will never, ever take that for granted, and am so thankful for all the opportunities that have come my way. And most importantly, thank-you for always coming back to read more.

I know that all of you could write a list just like this and I encourage you to do exactly that. The people that have changed us deserve to know just how important they really are. Never forgot or miss an opportunity to acknowledge all of the good things in your life. It is these people, things and circumstances that change and shape us. It is these things that make our story worth reading.

So, thank-you friends, you are so very much appreciated. Hugs, Hallelujahs & High-Fives all around!

thanksfriend

Getting lost in a Moment

Sometimes life hits us really hard, like square in the face with a very large hammer kinda hard. And quite often it feels like we’re not going to get through this situation and that we’re going to be stuck in it forever. But, I’m here to remind you that these experiences are only moments. They are not “forever’s and always”, they’re moments in a much, much bigger picture.

When you’re stuck in a bad one, that’s okay because it will pass. Get mad, get sad, scream, hit something, have a good cry or just shut your eyes for a while. Give yourself permission to react and don’t just try to block it out. It’s okay to be mad, and not understand why some things happen. Truth be told, it’s quite often our anger that brings about real change in our world. It’s the fire that fuels us to do something differently or better. It’s the voice that says, I do not accept this so I’m going to do something about it. Life REALLY sucks sometimes, and we’ll never change that but we can change how we react to it. But please promise me that no matter what, you won’t let a single “moment in time” take you down.

When it’s 3:30 am and your baby hasn’t slept for more than 20 minutes in the last 18 hours, feel free to be ticked off and annoyed. You’re tired. The baby’s tired. Your husband’s probably sound asleep and you just want to scream. It’s okay. This moment will one day be nothing but a memory, but for now, it is what it is. Acknowledge it but don’t give it anymore power than it already has.

When your best friend calls you crying because her life is falling apart, cry with her. Let her vent and yell and complain until she runs out of words. Let her talk irrationally and share the feelings that confuse even her. Don’t try to figure it out or help her justify it, instead breathe and know that this moment is just that, a moment. Tomorrow there will be new ones, some good, some bad but there will always be more.

When you’re standing in the grocery store and your child has decided that now is a great time to throw a massive hissy fit and is laying on the floor screaming, remember that they’ll eventually stop. If you have to pick them up and haul them out to the car while they kick at everything, that’s okay. Take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this battle and it’s not like you can really reason with a 3-year-old anyways. Tomorrows a new day, and hopefully there’ll be less screaming.

When you have to put your children onto the school bus for the first time, you’re going to cry. And you’re going to have a really bad day, and probably a really bad week. But in a flash, their joy will overtake your fears. Their happiness will show you that you’ve done everything right and that they’re okay.  Savour both of those moments … the fear of letting go and the joy in realizing that your babies have become little’s, and they’re amazing.

When you witness events and situations that are too horrific to even comprehend, don’t shut your eyes. Acknowledge them, and then do something to bring about change. Be happy when that story isn’t yours and be grateful for your moments that don’t include this.

And then thankfully, sometimes life brings us flashes of unspeakable joy. Things that are so amazing that words can’t even really describe how great they are. So amazing that we’re scared to close our eyes because they may disappear and be gone forever.

When you’re enjoying a good one, breathe it in and commit it to your memory. But don’t get so caught up in the wonder of it that you get stuck there. Remember it and then get ready for some new and awesome moments that are on their way.

When you see your kids interact with a puppy or a kitten for the first time, it’s worth remembering. The first time you hear your child laugh, or when they bring home their first report card. When you see someone you love achieve something that they’ve been working towards for months, stand up and cheer and remember. When your friend comes through her struggles and ends up on the other side in a much better place, rejoice.

If you can’t change it, acknowledge it, deal with it and then let it go. If you can change it, do that. Figure out why that situation sucked so badly and do something differently to ensure you don’t have to walk that path again. No one is expecting you to be perfect in any given situation so don’t be afraid to call your crappy moments exactly what they are, crap. But remember that after the rain, there is always a rainbow and your joy is coming. It may take awhile but it’s on it’s way.

Moments will always be just that. Moments. They do not need to be the end of your story.

thistooshallpass

Sometimes enough really is enough.

Theres many times in life when we’re presented with situations and people that we really don’t know what to do with. They challenge our beliefs and test our patience. They make us question our own sanity and our place in this world. They force us to look deeply into ourselves. These relationships and situations don’t always end well, sometimes they just end.

If you’re at that place in your life, I want to encourage you. Look for the lessons that these things are teaching you, as there is always a lesson to be learned. There is good in every situation and sometimes we just might have to look a little bit harder to find it. Give every situation and relationship all that you have to give. Work with good intention and operate in grace and understanding. Then you can always take comfort in the knowledge that you’ve done your best. And really, what more can you offer than your very best?

If you’re feeling more sorrow than joy. If you’re giving and giving and never receiving. If you cry more than you rejoice. If you enjoy someones absence more than their presence. If you feel like you’re losing yourself while trying to build someone up, it just might be time to move on.  

Please recognize the value of yourself and how important your own health and welfare is. At some point, you’re going to have to say enough is enough and do what is best for you and your family.

When it’s time to close the chapter, close it and move on. You’ve done all that you could, take comfort in that.  Life is meant to be enjoyed, move forward and smile. It’s all going to be okay.

See original source of this image here: http://postitsonyourfridge.tumblr.com/page/7

The Road to Skinny … Wanting it all NOW

When I make a decision that something needs to change,  I want it all to happen now. Right now.

Why is waiting so hard? It took  me almost 40 years to get me to the place that I’m at today. I guess I shouldn’t expect everything to change over night, but I sure wish they would. Truthfully, there are many things that I’m wishing for right now.

I wish that I liked vegetables more than cake. I wish that water tasted like Coke Zero. I wish that watching Reality TV shows counted as exercise. I wish that I could convince my willpower that it was just as strong as the words I speak. I wish that I felt more comfortable in my own skin. I wish that I could fall asleep and wake up skinny. I wish that I wasn’t such a wussy, whiny baby.

But wishing really won’t get me too far, so instead, I’m choosing to be thankful. I’m thankful that my brain is finally in a good place. I’m thankful that my health is getting better everyday. I’m thankful that I’ve figured out what I’m allergic to. (Even though I miss wheat more than words can explain). I’m thankful for my wonderful family, good friends and for change that is fueled by hope. I’m thankful that old thoughts patterns are being replaced with new ones. I’m thankful for this journey.

I will continue pressing forward, eating better, feeling better and wanting more. As I continue on, I will pray for patience and trust that I already have it within me. I will get there … I will become what I know I am.

Thanks for listening to me whine and complain. It felt really good, and now I can move on to something better.  🙂