Tag Archives: skinny

Week Five. Ankles & Impossibilities

After being in 2 car accidents within 6 months, I was diagnosed with Trauma-Induced Fibromyalgia 2 years ago. Since then, I’ve been swollen, inflamed and in pain. My hands, my wrist and my ankles have been constantly “puffy” for lack of a better word. It has sucked.

But since I’ve started Ideal Protein, the swelling and the pain have decreased dramatically. Dramatically. And now, I have ankles. I guess they were always there, but I can now see them and they’re just not a swollen mass at the bottom of my leg.

It’s not a big deal, but it’s something. It’s a reminder that I’m actually getting somewhere and that I’m getting better. These past 2 weeks have been hard, so looking down and seeing my ankle is exactly what I needed to see.

I made a commitment to follow this plan and make this my year, and I still mean it. I also know, without a doubt that I will finish what I’ve started. But this week, it’s been hard remembering that.

This has been a week of me seeing this massive goal that I’ve set for myself, and I’ve questioned my ability to power through it. And if I’m actually insane to think that it’s even possible. Is it actually an impossible task?

I’ve been overweight my entire life and unhealthy for almost as long, so it’s really hard for me to imagine myself as anything other than who I am now. It’s hard to envision something and stay focused on it when you’ve never seen or felt it before. I’m reaching for something that has never existed in my world. It’s a strange feeling.

I’m at the beginning of a seemingly impossible and ridiculously hard journey, but I’m still on it. I’m still going. And in spite of all my messed up and crazy thinking, I have ankles. That is good enough. For now.

Week Five Wrap-Up:

  • I’ve got no results to share with you as I went on vacation instead of getting weighed-in. 🙂
  • Swelling is still going down.
  • Almost everyone is now commenting that I look better. Not skinnier, but better. Which I like.
  • I haven’t quit. I haven’t given up. I am still here.
  • Impossible? We shall see.

 

 

  • PLEASE JOIN ME. I can always use a buddy that’s in this with me. I’ve got an excellent coach in Suhas and his team at The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. They’re very encouraging, very supportive and have lots of great ideas and advice to share. They’ve also graciously made an offer for all of my friends that want to join me in this adventure. If you let them know that you read this blog and want to join my Dream Team of Losers (yes, I’ve given my little group a name), they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. If you want more info, send me a message. Or reach out to the Coach here.

Week Two. I hate celery.

I don’t understand celery. It’s a whole lotta chewing. And it’s stringy. But it’s green and I don’t have to cook it, so I guess I’ll keep eating it.

I wish it tasted like bread. Bread with cheddar cheese on it. That would be the perfect celery.

Sigh.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m actually doing really good. This journey isn’t easy by any means, but I’m totally staying on plan and feel really good about my decision to start. I truly never thought that I’d be this okay with giving so much up, and yet here I am. Really okay.

I won’t lie to you and say that I don’t think about my favourite things, like Iced Capps, and Nachos, and Bread. But now when I think about them, they don’t consume me anymore. My faves have just become thoughts in the back of my mind as opposed to “needs”. It’s still weird to me that I’ve come to this place, really weird actually, but it’s cool knowing that I’ve actually got the willpower to change my life. Who knew?

I’d love to say that I could’ve done all of this on my own, without using special products, or having a coach, but for the first time in my life, I’m being honest. I’m my own worst enemy, and I need help. Lots of it. I absolutely love Ideal Protein. It works so well with my busy, crazy world and I really needed that. I needed a Helper that gets me, and this one does.  😉

So as week two wraps up, here’s what’s gone down.

My insatiable thirst has completely eased off. If you know me personally, you know that I am always thirsty, and drink water non-stop. That is pretty much gone. Now I drink water because it’s good, and not because I feel like I may die without it.

I’m tired at night. And not at 2am but 10pm. I’ve never had this much sleep before, and as nice as it is, it’s really messing up my “work day”. Know how much I accomplished between Midnight and 2am??? LOL.

I’m down 14.2 lbs and 4.5 inches.

Maybe celery isn’t so bad after all.

 

  • JOIN ME.  I’m SO thankful for my coach, Suhas and his team at The Medicine Shoppe in Sherwood Park. They’re very encouraging, very supportive and have lots of great ideas and advice to share. They’ve also graciously made an offer for all of my friends that want to join me in this adventure. If you let them know that you read this blog and want to join my Dream Team of Losers (yes, I’ve given my little group a name), they’ll take 50% off of your registration costs. I’d LOVE to have some company and a listening ear for the not so good days that I’m sure will eventually show up. If you want more info, send me a message. Or reach out to the Coach here.

 

2017: The year of Losing, Living and Winning

You know that day when you wake up and you’re just done. That day when you look in the mirror, and stare yourself straight in the face and know that you have come to the end of yourself. That you have finally found a stopping place?

I don’t want to call it hitting rock bottom because that just sounds like a horrible place to be. And frankly, who wants to admit that rock bottom is where they’ve found themselves?

But today I’m admitting to all of you that I am that person. I am in that place, I am done, and I am at rock bottom.

My body is failing me, or maybe I should say that I’VE been seriously failing my body.

I’ve been overweight my entire life. I’ve been in pain for more years than I’d like to admit. I’m currently the fattest person in the world to actually suffer from malnutrition. I’ve bled – almost to death, I have chronic and almost debilitating sinus issues, I get headaches – a lot of headaches and I now enjoy panic attacks in reaction to my levels of pain & the ways my body is acting. I am physically a broken mess.

Where I’ve failed my body is that I have done basically nothing to try to make things better. I’ve just come to accept that this is where I’m at, and I just live with it. I’ve seen great doctors, specialists and all kinds of fabulous professionals. They’ve given me great advice, and have explained to me what’s going on in my body. They’ve given me pills and supplements and plans to follow. All have worked on some level, but will never really “fix” what’s wrong with me.

Reason being … it’s me. I have to change me.

I am a most excellent caregiver and can take great care of all those around me. I’m sensitive to others feelings and find ways to encourage and lift them up when they need it most. Helping others is what feeds my soul, it’s what makes me, me. Unfortunately, I get so caught up in putting everyone else first, that i completely forget about myself. I haven’t done it on purpose, I’ve literally forgotten & lost myself.

And if we’re being truly honest, I’ve got food issues. Not just the standard, binge eating and sugar seeking, which I’ve got but weird ones too. I hate cooking, so if I don’t have to cook for my family, I don’t do it, which means if I’m at home alone, I don’t eat. Unless it’s something like toast or cookies, because that’s not really cooking. If I go out, I’ll buy fast food, because well, I don’t have to cook it. Food prep is like cooking, and most healthy food needs some version of prepping, so again I choose not eating or I choose to eat garbage. If I go on a diet, I usually choose not eating because I can’t eat what I really want. It’s warped and messed up but I can very easily go 18-20 hours without eating anything, many days/week. I am basically, unintentionally starving myself, and that is what is keeping me fat. My body is screaming for healthy food, vegetables, protein, and eating on a regular basis and I just can’t seem to make myself get in the kitchen or even really care.

I am 100% without question, my own worst enemy.

But today, I am doing something about that. I’ve finally admitted AND accepted that I can’t do this on my own, so I’ve asked for help. Today is the day that I’m starting the Ideal Protein diet, and completely changing everything about myself. I have a great coach that is focused on helping me become the best version of myself, and not someone who is always sick and always in pain. For that, I’m thankful.

Funny thing is, I’m not doing this to lose weight per-say. That’s obviously a part of why I’m starting, but it’s more about me getting healthy. It’s about following a plan that will make me eat like a normal person, and not only toast at midnight. It will make me aware of the food that I’m putting into my mouth and will help me focus on nutrition as opposed to just eating when I’m almost starving. With the help of my coach and the team of people who love me, this plan will help me check back into my life and my choices. It’s all laid out and easy for me to follow, and I like that. For now, I need easy while I relearn how to eat, and how to put me first. I’m excited.

I will be the first person to admit that it’s kind of weird to be going on a ‘diet’ without the main focus being on weight loss, but that works for me. I’m a very happy fat person, and fat isn’t who I am. What I am no longer happy about is being broken. It’s time to make a change so I can get out of this fog of pain and uncomfortable-ness.

I’ve made a commitment to myself, my husband, my family and my coach that 2017 is the year that I will finally make a difference in my own life. That I will stop getting in my own way. That I will take the advice and the help that is offered to me. That I will choose me first, more often than not. That I will get out of my comfort zone and try new things. That I will stop being okay with not being okay.

This blog will serve as my accountability tool. It will be my way of checking in and reminding myself of all the good that will come out of this journey. It will be my place to be honest, and angry, and happy, and sad and all of those great things.

It will be my story, and hopefully a little bit of yours too.

So, what do I need from you as my people? Please understand that this next year is about me making good choices. I’m not going to eat your chips and your cake. I’m not going to “have just one”, and start again the next day. No Iced Capps. No Lattes. Please respect me, please help me, and please be okay with the decisions that I’m making for myself. Please be on my side and know that even writing this out has been incredibly hard to do as I know that I can no longer hide. This is it friends, this is the beginning of a grand adventure.

For the next 337 days, I will be losing, living, winning and sharing it all with you.

I can’t wait to see where this year takes us.

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The Road to Skinny … Or Not.

The beginning of a new year brings about the desire for change. It pushes us to think about what we want that is better than what we currently have. It seems to make our eyes focus on all that is wrong with us, and not necessarily all that’s right. It’s the time of year that people seem to think and/or hope will set off this huge firecracker under their butts and in their minds that will cause them to jump up and change. It’s a fresh start and a new beginning.

For me, the new year forces me to focus on my never-ending trek towards “skinny”.  It’s this thing that follows me everywhere I go. It’s the thing I cannot seem to conquer. It’s quite literally the very large elephant in the room that just won’t die, no matter how hard I try. Or maybe not.

If I were to be totally honest, I don’t think I’ve ever cared enough to really want to change it. I’ve got a couple of months worth of willpower, and about 47 seconds of desire. I’ve got all the knowledge in the world, and an incredible team of people willing to support and help me, but somehow I’m also good with where I’m at. I’ve got a massive desire to shop in any store, and not just the stupid chubby girl shops, but for some reason, I’m okay with not trying all that hard to change.

I’m Fat and Happy, and I don’t think this is how I’m supposed to feel.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be 6 sizes smaller. I’d like to be able to walk around the block without wanting to die. I like the idea of wearing shorts when it’s hot – no I NEVER wear shorts. I’d like to have more energy. I’d like my knees to not hurt. I’d love to sit outside in the summer and not want to die because I’m SO hot, which is a problem because as you know, I don’t wear shorts and fat people have a whole lotta extra insulation. I’d like to not have people give me the classic fat girl compliment, “You’ve got such a pretty face”, to me. Ever. Again. I’d like to be able to touch my toes, for no other reason to say that I can. I want to just take up less space.

So … where does that leave me? The Happy Fat Girl that want’s to be skinny, but doesn’t really care.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand how I truly feel about this subject, or if I’ll ever fully figure it out but I believe that it’s leading me somewhere. In some weirdo, round-a-bout backwards way, it’s taking me to what I really want and need. I want to be more focused. More centered and just more Me. I’m happy, but I want another level of happy. I want to be overflowing with Joy, so much so that it oozes from me and into the world around me. Skinny won’t accomplish that …. but I can.

2015 is going to be the Year of April. I’m going to write. I’m going to write about anything and everything and just write because I can. I’m going to spend time making my new blog fun and super successful. I’m going to move into a house that is exactly what our family needs. I’m going to fall back into mad love with my husband. I’m going to finally put all of my anxiety’s behind me, and step forward without worry about stupid things that I can not control. I’m going to focus on getting healthy and not care at all about skinny. Maybe a smaller size will follow, but whatever, I don’t care.

I’m excited about what’s to come and even more excited to figure out that my “Road to Skinny” is officially on a detour to somewhere totally different.

This road is officially leading to me.

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The Road to Skinny …. Following the Rules

Well, yesterday was my bi-weekly weigh-in and the results were pretty good.

I spent the last 2 weeks actually following all of my coaches orders. I ate, and I ate, and I ate. More food than I’ve eaten in a really long time. I took my vitamins, drank copious amounts of water and did exactly what I was supposed to do.

Overall, I felt great, outside of this evil sinus infection that just. won’t. die. I slept well, still didn’t convince myself to exercise, but I made it through another 2 weeks. Yeah Me!

I lost another 9lb’s and 6 more inches. And even better news, my body fat percentage went down which means I’m not losing lean mass, which means I’m doing the right thing for my body.

This year WILL be the final chapter in my Fat April story. I know it, I feel it and I love it.

Last week, I also joined a great little group on Facebook called Mission Slim Possible. It’s a bunch of people wanting to achieve some big goals this year – health & exercise wise. They’re all there to support and encourage and lift each other up. They’re going to inspire me to exercise … hasn’t happened yet, but it will. LOL. I did manage to download a 7 minute exercise app though, so that counts for something right?? (Yes, I’m that lazy that I count that action as exercise).

I’m grateful for their honest and open hearts, and their daily words of encouragement. Our stories are all very different but our goals are the same. We all want more. We all want better. We all want change.

Wherever you are in your “get skinny/healthy” journey, find yourself a support system somewhere. If it can’t be your spouse, find a good friend. If your friends are as unmotivated as you are, find a group of workout buddies. Just find something or someone to help you get through this adventure. If you’re in the same boat as me, the journey will be long and tough, and not one you can do on your own.

Thankfully, I’m blessed with a good husband, great friends and an awesome coach. They are the voices that push me forward and remind me of my goals. They are my gifts in this world.

Who’s your helper? Go find one. Now.

See you in 2 weeks.

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IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you.

The Road to Skinny … Keep on Keeping On

One year has come and gone, and I’m half way to my goal. I hoped to be much farther along, but half way is what I achieved, and well, I’m okay with that.

This has been my year for self–discovery and I think if I would’ve lost more, faster, I wouldn’t have figured some things out. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to taking care of myself, and even though I always knew that, I don’t think I truly got it. Now I do.

By nature, I put others before myself. In all things, and in all ways. I don’t see that changing, but I now see that I have to find some time for me in there somewhere. I know that If I’m going to be of any use to anyone, I need to be okay. Physically, mentally, spiritually and health wise … I have to claim these things for myself and stop ignoring their importance. I’m such a twit sometimes.

I spend a tonne of time thinking about food, but very little time eating it. I had no idea how little I actually ate in a day, until I had to keep track of it. It’s such a weird thing to wrap my head around as here I was a fat girl basically living in a state of malnutrition. So crazy. Now, I struggle with the same thing but in a different way. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I can’t live on nachos and cupcakes, so I just kind of don’t really care about food. I still hate 94% of all veggies, so getting good healthy food into my body is fairly challenging some days.

I know what I need to do to be healthy, but my brain doesn’t always seem to want to agree. I know what I have to eat, the supplements I need to take, and the exercise that I must do but I still fight it. It’s so stupid, but everyday I have to MAKE myself choose better.

I’m lazy. Not when it comes to life, or business, or helping others, but when it comes to me. I have zero desire to exercise or get off the couch. Zero desire. It’s almost scary.

I’m ready to change things. I always thought I was, but looking back, I really wasn’t. I’m there now, and excited that this lifelong journey will be coming to an end. 40 years of being overweight, and not all that healthy are coming to an end. 2013 was the year I lost 70lbs, 2014 is going to be the year that “healthy” becomes my normal.

I’m officially back on Ideal Protein, and actually listening to my coaches. (I never quit the program, I just wasn’t following all the rules. As in wasn’t eating nearly enough, not taking my vitamins, etc., etc.). I still absolutely love the program and know that it’s the right thing for me, so I’m excited to continue on it.

I’m getting weighed in and measured every 2 weeks, and will report back here to all of you. Not just about pounds and inches, but how I’m feeling, how my brain is doing and the goals for the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, that little bit of accountability and effort will keep me focused on where I’m going. Thanks in advance for being a part of my “team”.

Now to stop being my own stumbling block, and to get this DONE.

Shut-up head, you’re no longer driving this bus.

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IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON THIS ADVENTURE, PLEASE CONTACT MY COACHES HERE. Be sure to let them know that April sent you.

The Road to Skinny …. It’s a Good Day

20 years ago, I married my best friend. I have not always liked him, and I can’t say that I’ve always fully understood him, but I’ve always loved him. In fact, I love him more today than I did on our wedding day, and for that I’m thankful. I am a very blessed woman to be able to say that I am married to this man. Happy Anniversary to us but now on to my story.

I haven’t been writing about my weight loss a whole lot lately, and not because I’ve quit or that I’m gaining or anything like that, but because I’ve stopped thinking about it. I’m no longer obsessing, freaking out, worrying or beating myself up. And it’s awesome. I can officially say that my weight no longer controls me. I’m still overweight, and have a long ways to go, but that’s okay.

I re-started this journey on January 1st of this year, and I’ve gone up and down, lost and gained but have now found a nice rhythm. My pace is slow and steady, but it is steady. If I have a bad day, or eat something I know I shouldn’t, it’s only a bad choice. It’s not a bad day, or a bad week, it’s just a bad choice. I’m actually now able to choose to start again immediately, and that’s a really cool thing. I’m eating with purpose instead of eating for something to do. I am finally free.

I’ve lost almost 4 sizes, 40 plus inches and as of this morning, 60 pounds. I meant to celebrate at 50 pounds, but I forgot. So now, we’re having a 60 pound send-off celebration. It’s hard to imagine what 60 lbs looks like, as I still don’t really see a whole lot of change when I look at myself. But when I look at this, I get it. 60lbs That’s a whole lot of me that just isn’t attached any more and so I say ….. Good Riddance and Good-Bye. Good-bye to the old me. The old way of thinking. The old self-deprecating thoughts. The old critical and mean little voice that told me that I would never lose weight, so why bother trying. Good-bye to the Old April and Hello to the new one.

I may still be a fat girl, but I’m in control now and the Fat Ship is sailing away. People are going to have to find something new to tease me about and will need something new to call me. How about Super Wicked Awesome Girl? I’d be okay with that. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to be known as April.

What a novel idea.